SONGS ABOUT HASHING

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A Few of My Favorite Things
Addicted to the Hashnet
Ancient Hash Song
Autohashers (Flintstone Version)
Bagpipe Song
Bengali One So Long
Bike Week
Bimbo
Bright Eyes
Can't Hash Today
Creak Goes the Muscle Oh
Daylight Come
Deep in the Heart of Texas
Drunken Hasher
Europe
Final Down-Down
Give a Little Whistle
Gunga's Song
Handsome Hasher
Hare!
Harriette the Tattooed Hasher
Harriettes, They Play One
Has Anybody Seen R J
Hasher is Smarter
Hasher Men (and Women)
Hasher's Lament
Hash House Harrier Mountain
Hashin'
Hashin' USA
Headed Out to Orlando
He's Got the Clap Again
I Am a Hasher, How 'Bout You?
I Don't Wanna Hear a Song
I Love to Have a Beer With ________
I've Got the Clap Again
I've Only Half a Brain
Jungle Smell
Keep on Hashing
Last Hash Run
Like a Geezer who has Sinned
Loneliest Hare
Mooning in the Sun
Morgan's Pies
Mount Bonnell
My Big Banana (two versions)
Ode to a Hasher
Ode to Commode for the Flounder
Once a Bloody Hashman
Only Real Men Run the Southside
Our GM
Out of Towner
Over the River and Through the Woods
People in Pink Tutus
Rap it Up
She Ain't Gonna Fuck No More
Shiggy
Short Cutter
Short Cutter's Rhapsody
Sixteen Miles
Song to Cuming Mutha
Spiders in My Hair
Suckanna
Super Hasher
Swamp-Ass
Swilligan's Island
Thank God I'm a Hashing Girl
The Beer That I Drink at the Hash
Three Visiting Hashers
Tweet-Whistle
Twelve Days of Interhash
Twinkie, Twinkie, Little Hasher
Two Hashers (Harriettes)
Uneasy Hasher
Wanky's Beers
We Go Hashing
We Love to Hash
Were You Lonesome Tonight?
While Wading Through Shiggy
Whining Poem
Wild Hasher
Yellow is the Color
Yesterday
You ain't Nothin' But a Hasher
You are My Hashit
Your Hand was Made to Stroke My Gland
ZiPpy the Red-Nosed Hasher



A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
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Melody - These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Short cuts that leave all the front bastards trailing,
Misleading directions leaving short cutters wailing,
Slippery slopes where hounds flounder in shit,
These are some things that appeal to my wit.

CHORUS:
When the pox stings, and my balls ache,
And my cock is sore,
I cheer myself up with my favorite things,
And revive the old cock once more.

Quims soft and puckered and minge short and curly,
Tight little cunts fringed with spunk white and pearly,
Red painted nipples, an ice cube blow job,
These are the things that will make my cock throb.

Limbs brown and supple, with buttocks gyrating,
Positions amazing, damp cunt lips pulsating,
Cheerful young bodies all eager to screw,
Of my favorite things these are only a few.

The rugby mob buggers all bloated with beer,
The sight of them's foul, it's no wonder, they're queer,
The dear old mismanagement, oh, what a farce,
These are some of the things you can stick up your arse.

A run that was set by those mad hares the Dutch,
A ride in old trucks that you all loved so much,
Some piss that was different with a beer glass thrown in,
Surely a fucking good hash, no hash sin.

ADDICTED TO THE HASHNET
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Melody - Heard it through the Grapevine
By Babe Thruster

I really laughed at those jokes you know,
When first posted six months ago.
And you know we all take offense
At daily postings for those hash events.
They're all guilty of net abuse
(Net abuse)
Just like that fucker with the Nassau cruise.
(Nassau cruise)

And I'm addicted to the hash net
A full mailbox really makes me wet
Yeah, I'm addicted to the hash net
Twelve o' clock, ain't got no work done yet.
I should unsubscribe.
(Get back to work, don't be a jerk, get back to work Babe Thruster)

All these hash events I can't attend,
It's road reports on which I depend.
Like from CIS and his rum-soaked mind,
He's hounding every hash that he can find.
Is he a bigger voyeur than me?
(Bigger than me)
Always searchin' for hash nudity.
(Hash nudity)

This online time's puttin' me in debt
Yeah, I'm addicted to the hash net.

ANCIENT HASH SONG
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Melody - Tidings of Comfort and Joy

A hasher is a manly chap,
He's full of vim and vigor.
And maidens gather round in droves,
To see his manly figure.
Of flashing thighs and knobby knees,
He makes a splendid sight.
And all the girls do seek of him,
To spend with them the night.
At this ancient sport he does excel,
None is better in the land.
'Tis only on a Monday night,
He needs a bit of a hand.
But Tuesday sees him big and bold,
If a little red of eye.
He tells himself he's not so old,
And has another try.
As lovers go he is the best,
The girls cannot go wrong.
Where others limp and sweat and pant,
The hasher cries, "On On!"
Now you may think this splendid brute,
Is more animal than man.
But concealed inside his noble head,
Is more than an empty beer can.
Of intellect he is most high,
Long words come naturally.
In more than a dozen languages,
He cries, "Jeez, I need to pee!"

On hashing nights great minds confer,
To put the world to right.
Engineers and scientists,
Politicians from left and right.
It really is a treasure trove,
Of wit and repartee.
Foul language is never heard,
Just the occasional "Cooee!"
This lofty band,
This group most high,
Gentlemen, one and all.
If only the world was made of such,
Then life would be a ball.
In this modern world we find,
Such violence and sin,
Isn't it a comfort then,
To find this band of men.
Whose only care is a maiden's prayer,
And to keep her safe from harm.
Oh, fret not, pretty maiden,
A hasher will keep you warm.
Not only warm but fed and clothed,
With oils he'll anoint your body,
And all he wants in return,
Is the occasional bit of nookie!

And when a hasher's run is o'er,
To the Golden Gate he goes.
St Peter studies the Hash Cash book,
To see what he might owe.
"Thee's fully paid oop, nae problem there,
And what's this I see here?
Thee likes a bit o' hot nookie,
After a few cold beers.
Thee's just the sort we needs oop here,
So thee may move along,
Vestal Virgins is on the left."
And the hasher cries, "On On!"

AUTOHASHERS (FLINTSTONE VERSION)
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Melody - Meet the Flintstones
By Cold Box, Magic City H3

Hashers, autohashers,
They're the wankers who refuse to run,
When the--pack yells 'on-on'!,
They are burnin' rubber,one by one!
Riding--high and dry inside a car,
Makes the--trail not seem so very far!
Drive drive, drive drive drive drive,
Drive drive drive drive drive drive drive drive,
Drive drive drive drive drive,
Drive drive drive drive drive drive !!!

BAGPIPE SONG
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Melody - Scotland the Brave
Contributed by White Shoes, San Francisco HHH

Here's to the lassie with the black hair on her assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the San Francisco Hash (substitute hash name).

CHORUS (hold chair upside down to simulate bagpipes; make droning sound and tap throat to form notes):
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na na na na na,
Na na na na . . .

Then there was the jockey with his upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hair on her assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the San Francisco Hash.

Then there was the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hair on her assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the San Francisco Hash.

Then there was the queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hair on her assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the San Francisco Hash.

Then there was the harlot makin' money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hair on her assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the San Francisco Hash.

Then there was the HASHER who was posin' as a flasher,
Hustlin' johnnies from the harlot makin' money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hair on her assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the San Francisco Hash.

Then there was the wenchy doin' down-down on a benchie,
For the pleasure o' the HASHER who was posin' as a flasher,
Hustlin' johnnies from the harlot makin' money in the car lot,
To support the a'queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hair on her assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the San Francisco Hash.

Now the moral o' this ditty is when in San Francisco City,
And you're with your favorite girlie chasin' hairs all short and curly,
Just remember to take her hashin' and to give her a good bashin',
And keep her away from the wenchy doing down-down on the benchie,
For the pleasure o' the HASHER who was posin' as a flasher,
Hustlin' johnnies from the harlot makin' money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leerin' through his beerie,
At the sight o' the cranky who was wankin' in his hankie,
At the thought o' the jockey with the upstandin' cocky,
Who was ridin' on the lassie with the black hair on her assie,
Who was liftin' up her kiltie at the San Francisco Hash.

BENGALI ONE SO LONG
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Melody - ???

Bengali one so long,
Melayu one potong,
Indian one so dark and strong,
Orang Puteh just like sotong.

All Hash Mens' hard and strong,
They can go for ten furlong,
Darling, please don't ask for tolong,
And we will carry on and on.

There is a lady in sarong,
She prefers it done on a palong,
To her surprise we can stand so long,
Because one fails the rest will carry on.

BIKE WEEK
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Melody - ???
By Shuttle Cock, Houston HHH

Salmon swimming up a stream
Bikers having Harley dreams
Co-eds rubbing on sun creams
Time for Bike Week fun it seems

For once Jammies is gone
And toes will be spit free
But now one has to watch Mullet
If you don't want a shoe full of pee

Unending beer once again
A 72-hour pub crawl
Random acts of debauchery
And hounds passed out in halls

Late night eating with harriettes
And also maybe some food
The constant rumble of engines
And "Enforcers" with attitude

The ridiculous "no public drinking"
Though chug contests abound
Winning every last one of them
By entering a ringer hound

Bike Week
Time to Drink
Bike Week
Time to Drink
Bike Week . . .

BIMBO
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Melody - B-I-N-G-O
Contributed by Catwoman and Penis Head

There was a girl who hashed with us
and BIMBO was her name oh
B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O
And BIMBO was her name oh

This girl she had enormous tits
Three-eight-double-D- oh
B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O
And BIMBO was her name oh

And on these tits she did depend
To have her way with men oh
B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O
And BIMBO was her name oh

The guys would follow her around
To try to suck her toes oh
B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O
And BIMBO was her name oh

She always shopped at Frederick's
For lacy bras and things oh
B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O
And BIMBO was her name oh

The other girls all hated her
Because she was a BIMBO
B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O
And BIMBO was her name oh

BRIGHT EYES
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BY BOLLOX & BIG BOLLOX FOR BOURNE VALLEY HHH RUN 4. 2ND JUNE 1997

GOT HOME EARLY FROM WORK,
PULLED ON MY SHORTS AND SHIRT
LOOKING FORWARD TO A HASH LIKE THIS, ALL WEEK
THE WIFE ALLOWS ONLY ONE NIGHT ON THE PISS
BRIGHT EYES, NOT AT ALL TIRED
BRIGHT EYES, HAD PLENTY OF SLEEP
NOW IíM ON THE WAY TO FREEFOLK I CAN HARDLY HOLD IT IN,
BRIGHT EYES

HASHED UP A HILL OF CHALK,
FORCED TO SLOW TO A WALK
NOSE UP THE BUM OF THE ONE IN FRONT, TIGHT SHORTS
SOME BLOKE DONíT PUT UP WITH MY WIFEíS BIG RUMP
GREEN EYES, BURNING WITH ENVY
GREEN EYES, THOí JEALOUSYíS A SIN
HOW CAN MY WIFEíS ARSE BE SO WIDELY AND THIS ONE BE SO THIN,
GREEN EYES

STAYED MISERABLE ALL THE WAY ROUND,
WENT BACK TO THE WATERSHIP DOWN
SORROWS WERE QUICKLY DROWNED IN DOWN-DOWNS, WASHED OUT
I GOT AS SILLY AS A CLOWN
RED EYES, SAME SHADE AS FIRE, RED EYES PISSED AS A FART
LIKE A LITTLE PAIR OF AA ROADMAPS AS I STAGGERED ROUND AND ROUND,
RED EYES

HORNY FROM THE BEER I SWALLOWED,
I CAUGHT SIGHT OF THE BUM IíD FOLLOWED
COULDNíT RESIST BUT TO GIVE IT A STROKE, IT TURNED ROUND
AND I WAS FACE TO FACE WITH A BLOKE
BLACK EYES, BURNING LIKE FFFFURY
BLACK EYES, BROKEN TEETH AND NOSE
NEXT TIME I FANCY A SNEAKY HANDFUL IíLL CHECK THE FRONT END FIRST,
BLACK EYES

CAN'T HASH TODAY
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Melody - Scotsman's Kilt?
Adapted from a Clancy Brothers tune by unknown hashers

Dear Hash I sing this song for to tell you of my plight,
At the time of writing this, I am not a pretty sight,
Me body is all black and blue; me face a deathly gray,
And I hope you'll understand why I can't hash with you today.

I was workin' on the fourteenth floor, some bricks I had to clear,
And throwin' 'em down from such a height was not a good idea.
The foreman wasn't very pleased, he bein' an awful sod,
He said I'd have to take them down the ladder in me hod.

Now shiftin' all them bricks by hand seemed so awful slow,
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured a rope below.
But in me haste to do the job, I was too blind to see,
That a barrel full of buildin' bricks was heavier than me.

Now when I untied the rope, the barrel it fell like lead,
And clingin' tightly to the rope I started up instead.
I shot up like a rocket, and to my dismay I found,
That halfways up, I met the bloody barrel comin' down.

Now the barrel broke me shoulder as to the ground it sped,
And when I reached the top I struck the pulley with me head.
I still clung on though numbed and shocked from this almighty blow,
And the barrel spilled out half the bricks fourteen floors below.

Now when the bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor,
I then outweighed the barrel and it started up once more.
Clingin' tightly to the rope then, I headed for the ground,
And I fell among the broken bricks that were scattered all around.

As I lay moanin' on the ground, I thought I'd passed the worst,
And the barrel struck the pulley wheel and didn't the bottom burst.
A shower of bricks came down on me, sure I didn't have a hope,
And as I was losin' consciousness, I let go the bloody rope.

Now the barrel being heavier, it started down once more,
And landed right across me as I lay there on the floor.
I broke three ribs and me left arm, and I can only say,
That I hope you understand why I can't hash today with you today.

CREAK GOES THE MUSCLE OH
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Melody - Green Grow the Rushes O

Who'll give me one oh?
Creak goes the muscle oh,
What is your one oh?

One for the arrow up the steps never to be trusted,
Two, two, the jogging shoes all clogged up with mud, Ho Ho!
Three, three, the checkbacks we all missed,
Four for the worn out running kit,
Five for the toes of the worn out hashers,
Six for the pools of vomit,
Seven for the down downs after the run,
Eight for the ones who turned up late,
Nine for hashers lost at the check,
Ten for the virgins oh so cute,
Eleven for the hare who set the course,
Twelve for the mismanagement of the pack.

DAYLIGHT COME
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Melody - Daylight Come and I Want To Go Home

CHORUS:
Day-oh, Day-a-a-oh,
Daylight come and I want to go home,
Day-oh, Day-a-a-oh,
Daylight come and I want to go home.

Frozen ballocks and frozen cock,
Daylight come and I want to go home,
Had a piss and froze to the block,
Daylight come and I want to go home.

Drew me a katoey from the hat,
Daylight come and I want to go home,
Didn't have a rubber now I've got the clap,
Daylight come and I want to go home.

Drank a dozen down-downs before I puked,
Daylight come and I want to go home,
Spewed on the GM and got rebuked,
Daylight come and I want to go home.

Ended up in the Rock Hard 'round about dawn,
Daylight come and I want to go home,
Got my pocket picked by a girl called Porn,
Daylight come and I want to go home.

Now I've got to find cheap room and board,
Daylight come and I want to go home,
There I'll stay till the next maraud,
Daylight come and I want to go home.

DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS
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Melody - Deep in the Heart of Texas
By Bollox, Phuket H3
Note: Song is about the 14th Texas Interhash (1997)

Chorus:
Deep in the Heart of Texas
That's where the Houston Hash went
Deep in the Heart of Texas
Got Wet, got Pissed, fell Asleep in a Tent
Deep in the Heart of Texas

The Houston pack went to InterHash
The rain came Down almost washed us Back
Friday night was a sea of Mud
But the Smell was Farts from Boys in the Tub
Saturday came with Coffee and Sun
Last nights Beers gave us all the Runs
Jessica Rabbit wouldn't Show her Tits
But Pinball was first to Hang out her Bits
The Run was Shit we got Wet to the Bone
Then the Cops told us all to Fuck off Home
Mighty Mouse swam for an Hour and a Half
At least Hooter/Drummer Bill finally got a Bath
The Nightime Run was in the Nude
Slum Bag was a girl but now she's a Dude
She is Mr. InterHash for all to See
Does she now Stand up to take a Pee?
Sunday morning with Hangover Rife
Everybody woke up with Someone elses Wife
In the Afternoon we were Thrilled to Bits
We finally saw Full Service's Tits
Those Colonials are all so Fuckin' Queer
Pipes says he's not from a Hash 'round Here
Bollox spent his time with Pants firmly ON
Almost Useless except he sang a Song
Twister is a Game played in the Nude
Bodies covered in Cream looked like Food
Showtime was Better than our Boy George
It wasn't the Sun made his Dick Sore

DRUNKEN HASHER
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Melody - Drunken Sailor
by Hazukashii, Seoul Southside HHH

What shall we do with the drunken hasher,
What shall we do with the drunken hasher,
What shall we do with the drunken hasher,
After all the down-downs?

CHORUS:
There he goes again - pukin' in the bushes,
There he goes again - pukin' in the bushes,
There he goes again - pukin' in the bushes,
After all the down-downs.

Take away his whistle and send him on a BT,
He'll take a wizz behind the old oak tree,
Then he'll blow his nose on his old shirty,
After all the down-downs.

Then we'll shave his ass with a rusty razor,
Shave his crotch with a new-fangled laser,
Zap him in the ass with a copper's tazer,
After all the down-downs.

Shove a bag of flour up his asshole,
Soak it up with beer and add a piece of coal,
Then stand back boys he's gonna blow,
After all the down-downs.

Put him in the back of the old hash wagon,
Drag him by a rope from the old hash wagon,
Kick him in the ass behind the old hash wagon,
After all the down-downs.

Send him home with the old hashit,
He won't know - how he got it,
'next weeks hash and throw a fit,
After all the down-downs.

That's what we'll do with the drunken hasher,
That's what we'll do with the drunken hasher,
That's what we'll do with the drunken hasher,
After all the down-downs.

EUROPE
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Melody - America, from "West Side Story"
With apologies to Stephen Sondheim & Leonard Bernstein
By Flying Booger

Note: song requires two lead singers plus a chorus of hashers

ANNOYING SEPPO HASHER (ASH):
United States-O, you lovely nation
Nation of excellent hashing
Always the shiggy growing
Always the finest beer flowing

SNOTTY EURO-HASHER (SEH):
United States-O, you ugly nation
Nation of violent gunplay
Always the Hash List abusing
Always the fighting and flaming
And the buttchugs flowing
And nasty names giving
And the cheap beer swilling
I like the hashing in Europe
Open your gob and chew that in!

HASH CHORUS (sans ASH):
I'd rather hash in the UK
Elizabeth Queen in the UK
Hashing is fab in the UK
Cracking good hash in the UK!

ASH: I like the city of New York
SEH: As for yourself, you can get fucked
ASH: Hundreds of hashers, and all rude
SEH: You Yanks can all go & get screwed!

HASH CHORUS (sans ASH):
Citroen car drive in la belle France
Piss in the street in la belle France
Cinema Jerry Lewis in la France
Tres bien hashing in la France!

ASH: I'll drink a Shiner in Austin
SEH: You will puke up what you drink in
ASH: I'll buy the circle a cold case
SEH: After they taste, how you show face?

HASH CHORUS (sans ASH):
Gastarbeiter goes to old Deutschland
Gastarbeiter Raus! in old Deutschland
Not many hashes in Deutschland
More bier fuer die hashers in Deutschland!

ASH: I'll bring your hash shit to Philly
SEH: I hope it falls off, your willy
ASH: I'll give the virgin a hash name
SEH: American hash names are so lame!

HASH CHORUS (sans ASH):
I like to hash in Italia
Bombardier loos in Italia Trails through the ruins in Italia
Beer okay, more so than America

ASH: I will subscribe to the Euro-List
SEH: Up your bum you can put Euro-fist
ASH: Virus alerts will I e-mail you
SEH: Bloody Yank, cram it up your flue!

THE FINAL DOWN-DOWN
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Melody - The Final Countdown, by Europe
Contributed by ZiPpY, Pike's Peak HHH

You're leaving us, hasher,
And so it's farewell
But maybe you'll come back,
To hash, who can tell ?

And though there is no one to blame,
You're leaving town,
Will trails ever be the same again?
It's the final down-down . . .

You've run through the shiggy,
Still your cock [tits] stood tall
Slurped your drinks like a piggy
Fucked the harriettes [hasher chaps] all.

With so many check points to go
And trails to be found
I'm sure that we'll all miss you so.
It's the final down-down . . .

You're leaving, you bastard,
May you shortcut to hell,
And screw fallen women [hashers]
And the devil as well.

And now you've run your last hash trail
So drink it all down,
Will hashing e'er be the same again?
It's the final down-down . . .

GIVE A LITTLE WHISTLE
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Melody - Give a Little Whistle
Contributed by Stray Dog, Global Trash

When you find the true trail and you want some com-pan-y,
Give a little whis-tle (whistle), give a little whis-tle (whistle).
When you meet temp-ta-tion and the urge to short-cut's strong,
Give a little whis-tle (whistle), give a little whis-tle (whistle).
Not just an "On-Onnn!" Puck-er up and Blow!
And if their whistle's gone, yell, "Give 'em a down-down!"
Take the path that's laid with hash and if you see Beer Near,
Give a little whis-tle (whistle), give a little whis-tle (whistle),
And always let the hash marks be your guide.

GUNGA'S SONG
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Melody - Beverly Hillbillies Theme
Based on a true story about Gunga Dick, South Bay HHH, composed by hashers unknown

This here's a story 'bout a man named Gunga,
He had no prick, so he had to use his tongue-a.
It was down in Houston at a Hash house Harriers' run,
A harlot straddled him and said, "Let's have some fun!"
You know . . . moustache rides . . . face smegma . . .

Well the next thing you know old Gunga's caught in the act,
The Hash folks said, "You oughtn't be lickin' that!
The pound is the place where she ought to be."
He didn't have a worry, except for VD.
You know . . . tongue rot . . . herpes sores . . .

Well, the moral told here is when you're hashing in Texas,
You ought to keep your tongue out of other people's sexes.
They thought they'd honor him for public cunnilingus,
Now Gunga's called . . . Gungalingus.

HANDSOME HASHER
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Melody - Pretty Woman
By Lady Fingers & Twinkie, Austin HHH

Handsome Hasher, running down the street,
Handsome Hasher, the kind I like to meet,
Handsome Hasher, I don't believe you, you're not true,
No one could be hung like you.

Handsome Hasher, won't you pardon me,
Handsome Hasher, I couldn't help but see,
Handsome hasher, you look horny, I can see,
Are you horny just like me?

Handsome Hasher, stop a while,
Handsome Hasher, talk a while,
Handsome Hasher, give your cock to me,
Handsome Hasher, yeh, yeh, yeh.

Handsome Hasher, say you'll come,
Handsome Hasher, say you'll come with me,
Cause I need you, I'll treat you right,
Come with me baby, be mine tonight.

Handsome Hasher, don't run on by,
Handsome Hasher, don't make me cry,
Handsome Hasher, don't run away.
OK, if that's the way it must be, OK,
I guess I'll go home and masturbate,
There'll be tomorrow night, I'll wait.

What do I see?
Is he jogging back to me?
Yes, he's jogging back to me,
Oh, oh, handsome Hasher.

HARE!
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Melody - "Hair" from the musical Hair!
By Asshole, performed at Americas Interhash 99 in Pittsburgh

She asked me why
Why I'm a haring guy
I'm haring morning noon and nighty night night
I'm haring high and low
But don't ask me why
Cause he don't know
So give me shoes with tread
For my trail's not dead, Darling....
Oh, Gimme a trail to hare
And I'll be your hare
Long trail, short trail I don't really care, hare!
Throw it down there, hare
Shorter length or longer, Hare
Here baby, there mama I'll be your haring daddy
Hare, hare, hare, hare, hare, hare, hare!
Throw it, show it, as long as I can throw it I'll hare
I toss flour in the breeze
Which gets caught up in the weeds
If I see the pack I flee when I hare.
As I roam through the trees
I hide from the FRBs
For they are turds
There ain't no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder when I...
Hare, hare, hare, hare, hare, hare, hare
Don't blow it, when I throw it,
As long as I can go with it I'll hare!
I throw it long, straight, curvy, wurvey,
Shiggy, shaggy, nice and nasty
hilly, easy, fleetly
Streams that gleam and sometimes toxic
Trot it, polka-dot it
Twist it, beat it, wadd it
Powdered, floured, and confettied,
mangled, tangled, spangled, and near spaghetti (junction)!
Oh say can you see
The end of my trail,
Then it's way too short!
Down a beer
Then I'm out of here
Down over here
Then over there
Don't try to shortcut it or you'll be somewhere else!
Oh, Gimme a trail to hare
And I'll be your hare
Long trail, short trail I don't really care, hare!
Throw it down there, hare
Shorter length or longer, Hare
Here baby, there mama I'll be your haring daddy
Hare, hare, hare, hare, hare, hare, hare!
Throw it, show it, as long as I can throw it I'll hare
Hare, hare, hare, hare, hare, hare, hare
Throw it, show it,
Long as I can throw it I'll hare
Hare, hare, hare, hare, hare, hare, hare!

HARRIETTE THE TATTOOED HASHER
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Melody - Lydia the Tattooed Lady
Original by H. Arlen & E. T. Harburg, obscene variation by ZiPpy, Pike's Peak H4

Harriette, oh Harriette,
Say have you met Harriette,
Harriette the tattooed hasher.
She has eyes that harriers adore so,
And a torso even more so.

Harriette, oh Harriette,
That sexy little vignette,
Harriette the erotic queen of tattoo.
On one tit is a mural of Adam's first screw,
Beside it a drawing of Eve's blow-job too.
And right above is her price list in blue,
You can get your rocks off with Harriette.

Titty bum, titty bum, titty bum, titty bum

She can give you a view of sex in tattoos,
If you step up and tell her what.
For only a buck you can see doggies fuck,
Or sixty-nine different kinds of twat.

Titty bum, titty bum, titty bum, titty bum

Harriette, oh Harriette,
Harriette, the tattooed hasher,
When her muscles start aflexin,'
All the tattoos get an erection.

Harriette, oh Harriette,
Harriette the harlot we love,
She once swept our GM clear off his feet,
The design on her behind made his heart skip a beat,
And now a tiny bastard sucks at her teat,
For he went and fucked our Harriette.

HARRIETTES, THEY PLAY ONE
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Melody - This Old Man

Harriettes, they play one,
All they want to do is cum,

CHORUS:
With a knick knack, slap her ass, poke her with my bone,
This drunk hare will stumble home.

Harriettes, they play two,
We just want to speckle you,

Harriettes, they play three,
Won't you swallow my cum for me,

Harriettes, they play four,
We like to see you on all fours,

Harriettes, they play five,
If you don't swallow you'll get hives,

Harriettes, they play six,
We just want to slap you with our dicks,

Harriettes, they play seven,
But they all just wish it was eleven,

Harriettes, they play eight,
We all know you masturbate,

Harriettes, they play nine,
All they do is whinge and whine,

Harriettes, they play ten,
We're not boys, we're harrier men,

Harriettes, they play eleven,
But all they can handle is only seven.

HAS ANYBODY SEEN R J?
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Melody - Has Anybody Seen My Gal?
By Tongueless, Gypsies in the Palace HHH
Note: R J is Rong Jon, a living hash legend

Five foot two, eyes of blue
He'll always be more drunk than you.
Has anybody seen R J?

Eyes of red, almost dead,
Gutters are his favorite bed.
Has anybody seen R J?

Holy Ghost, he's the most,
Cheese and crackers when he's the host.
Has anybody seen R J?

Talk to him, he's no fool,
He'll end up floating in your swimming pool.
Has anybody seen R J?

He has written a sacred book,
A record of every drink he took,
Has anybody seen R J?

Whiskey, beer, gin, or rye,
He will come and drink you dry.
Has anybody seen R J?

He wears thorns for a crown,
Women scream when he goes down,
Has anybody seen R J?

If they nailed him to a cross,
It would be every barman's loss.
Has anybody seen R J?

SPECIAL CYPRUS VERSES:
Viking horn on his head,
Don't help much when he's in bed.
Has anybody seen R J?

In Cyprus Pecker Picker picked his pecker,
Didn't know it was a double decker.
Has anybody seen R J?

East or West, North or South,
No woman has a sorer mouth.
Has anybody seen R J?

THE HASHER IS SMARTER
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Melody - Man Smart, Woman Smarter (generic calypso melody)
Composed by Rambo, cHARLOTsville HHH

Ever since the world began, runner treat the hasher like "inferior man"
Runner hate hasher, it's clear to see
Runner think thay they, smarter than we
Oh, not me, no! but some people they say
Hashers lack the sense that the runner displays
But I say, believe me when I say,
Ther're smarter than the runners in every way

CHORUS:
That's right! The hasher is SMARTER
That's right! The hasher is smarter!
That's right! The hasher is smarter!
That's right! That's right!

Every April there's a marathon,
they run to Boston and it's VERY long
Hashers drink beer, runners drop dead -
Now you tell me which ones must be sick in the head

You see a girl when you're in a bar,
runner gets afraid that things might go too far
Hasher fucks girl, rubs it round and round
Runner so embarrassed that he's leavin' town

You reach a swamp when you're on the trail,
mud so deep that you begin to wail
Runner goes 'round, hasher march through
Runner too concerned about his clean white shoes

Some female hashers at the swimming pool,
think that to skinny dip is VERY cool
Runners stay clothed - they afraid
Their tan lines 'r black and white just like a zebra-parade!

One day we had a fantastic hash,
only problem was that we were forced to trepass
Runners confessed, hashers all lied
- - RUNNERS BE IN JAIL 'TILL THEY ONE HUNDRED AND FIVE!!!

FINAL CHORUS:
Oh, not me, no! but some people they say
Hashers lack the sense that the runner displays
But I say, believe me when I say,
Ther're smarter than the runners in every way

That's right! The hasher is SMARTER
That's right! The hasher is smarter!
That's right! The hasher is smarter!
That's right! That's right!

HASHER MEN (AND WOMEN)
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Melody - This Old Man
Harriers' verses by Flying Booger, in the interest of sexual equality

(__________ = your favorite hash)

HARRIETTES' VERSES:
__________ men, they play one,
They think they have all the fun.

CHORUS:
With a knick knack, paddy whack, give themselves a bone,
__________ men have sex alone.

__________ men, they play two,
They can't get it up to screw.

__________ men, they play three,
They think they get sex for free.

__________ men, they play four,
They can't get it up to score.

__________ men, they play five,
They don't have enough sex drive.

__________ men, they play six,
Little men with little dicks.

__________ men, they play seven,
Masturbation is their heaven.

__________ men, they play eight,
They can't get their dicks in straight.

__________ men, they play nine,
They take theirs up from behind.

__________ men, they play ten,
Little boys who think they're men.

HARRIERS' VERSES:
__________ women, they play one,
They don't know how to get it on.

CHORUS:
With a knick knack, paddy whack, give themselves a tickle,
__________ women use a pickle.

__________ women, they play two,
They say, "Not now, I've got the flu."

__________ women, they play three,
They say, "Not now, I've got to pee."

__________ women, they play four,
They say, "Not now, who's at the door?"

__________ women, they play five,
They'll cut your dick off with a knife.

__________ women, they play six,
They're never satisfied with our pricks.

__________ women, they play seven,
Life without sex is their idea of heaven.

__________ women, they play eight,
They always seem to have a headache.

__________ women, they play nine,
Their sex lives are in decline.

__________ women, they play ten,
If they were better looking they might get some men.

HASHER'S LAMENT
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Recital
By Dave "Mad Major" Marks, Bicester HHH, England

You wakey inner morny
All snuggle in yore bed,
You rubby eyes an yorney,
A poundin in yore 'ead,
"It's someday," someone seddy,
"You musket up, get reddy,
It snearly arfpasten."

You up then jolly quicky
An almose innner flash,
Still feelin somewot sicky
You off to join to join the Hash.
An very sooney arfter
You very somewhere else,
Amid the shoutsen larfter
Outside a pubic howse.

Awl roun are many bodies
All jobby upan down,
While some with big beer poddies
Are lyin' on the groun.
Then on that dredful ower
Mid lots of mild dismay,
There cums a serge of power:
The hash is onit sway.

The Hornet soun so cheery,
And on the packet run,
An sum, already weerie,
Are wish they did not cum.
A Czech pint givey breaver,
For dose who laggey hind,
While some fit eager beaver
Will see wot ecan find.

Jus den a cawl came floaty,
"I'm on won," swotit sed,
An somewhere someone gloatey
Cry "I'm on two," instead.
The pack once more togevver
Dare win and strength all gon,
But are dey finish? Never!
Cos Isaac Hunt cries, "ON!"

Our fartin, pantin army
Are strewn both wide and far.
They say we must be barmy!
They blubby right, we are!
We run thru payne an sorrow
An sometime mud a swell,
An no in that tomorrow
Our legs swill ert like ell!

When arskt "Wot mayshewdoit?"
The answer is quite clear:
The thort of cummin threw it
To a nice cool pinty beer.
BUT for "pint" read "gallon"
The timey go so farst:
You thort the pubby closeat too,
But nowitsix 'arfpast!

An so you weavy homeward,
All fuzzy in de hed,
Your dinner's in the dustbin,
An you just want your bed.
Your wifey look most unamused:
Er teeth are out and nashin'.
Why can't she seem to unnerstan'
How fit you get from HASHIN'

HASH HOUSE HARRIER MOUNTAIN
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Melody - Big Rock Candy Mountain
(found on the "O Brother Where Art Thou" soundtrack)
Contributed by Babe Thruster, GCH3

One evening as the circle broke up and the half-minds were a playin'
Down the trail came a hasher hashin' he said, Boys, I'm not stayin
I'm off to a land that's far away
Beside the cold beer fountain
So come with me, we'll go and see
the Hash House Harrier Mountain

At the Hash House Harrier Mountain
All the people there are cool
They celebrate Gispert's birthday
And teach hashing in their school
The police and property owners
All just smile and wave
And I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow
Where a gentle breeze blows the red dress trees
At the Hash House Harrier Mountain

At the Hash House Harrier Mountain
You can hash at no cost
The slow ones often finish first
Shortcutters all get lost
The weather's always perfect
The shiggy thick and deep
And the hills ain't tall, no snakes at all
No asphalt streets or blistered feet
At the Hash House Harrier Mountain

At the Hash House Harrier Mountain
The beer flows through the land
And it's always cold and bubbly
And it's all your favorite brand
There's a lake that's made of yucca
And hangovers don't exist
You just wake right up and fill your cup
'Cause hashers play all night and day
At the Hash House Harrier Mountain

At the Hash House Harrier Mountain
No one there's a prude
So you can sing out dirty hash songs
And hash there in the nude
You'll suddenly discover
Your body's been transformed
All the men are jocks with big long cocks
All the women fit with nice firm tits
At the Hash House Harrier Mountain

(whistling)
And I'll see you all this coming fall
At the Hash House Harrier Mountain

HASHIN'
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Melody - Truckin' (Grateful Dead)
By A Nuts, Hoosier HHH, Indiana

Hashin' got my old shoes on. Keep hashin', do a down-down man.
Together, more or less on trail, just keep hashin' on.

Arrows of flour and false trails leading into a swamp.
Deep rivers, alleys, fences over which you have to jump.
Your typical hash trail is always a typical nightmare.
Hang it up and see what the on-in brings.

Shiggy slows everyone down; ivy gets you itching around;
Briars got the thorns and how; they just won't let you run, oh no.

Most of the pack that you meet on the trails speak of good beer
Most of the time they get swill and drink it all down
One of these days they know they better get goin'
Off of their butts and out on the trail with the hounds.

Hashin' do a down-down man. Once told me "You've got to play your hand"
Sometimes your cards ain't worth a dime, if you don't lay'em down,

Sometimes the trail is so plain to me;
Other times there's no flour to see.
Lately it occurs to me what a long strange check it's been.

What in the world ever became of the rat?
He got a beer gut, you know he isn't the same.
Livin' on Coors, Killian's Red, and Keystone,
All a friend can say is "Ain't it a shame?"

Hashin' up to the beer check. Been thinkin', you got to mellow slow
Takes time, you pick a place to go and just keep hashin' on.

Sittin' and starin' out of the old car window
I can see we're gonna run in the rain today.
I'd like to drink more beer before I'm on trail
But if the pack is on out, I guess I've gotta go play.

Dead drunk, passed out in the street, set up like a bowlin' pin.
Knocked down, it gets to wearing thin. They just won't let you sleep it off.

You're sick and pukin your guts and you'd like to get well
Get hungry and eat but you can't keep anything down.
I guess they can't revoke your soul for tryin'
Get out of the door, down to the bar and buy a round.

Sometimes the trail is so plain to me.
Other times there's no flour to see.
Lately it occurs to me, What a long strange check it's been.

Hashin', I'm goin on home. On-on baby, back to the on-in.
On-home, sit down and patch my bones and get back hashin' on.
On-On, get back hashin' on.

HASHIN' USA
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Melody - Surfin' USA (Beach Boys)
By See Men Inspect Her, Aloha HHH; contributed by Thighmaster

If everybody was a hasher
Across the USA
Then everybody could be runnin'
The Aloha way
You'd see em wearin' their headbands
Blowin' whistles too!
Some shiggy shiggy good trail now
Hashin' USA

You'd catch 'em runnin' at Schofield
And in Ewa too
Hawaii Kai and Kaena
Honolulu Zoo
All over Manoa
And Waimea Bay

Everybody's gone hashin'
Hashin' USA

We'll all be plannin' that trail, yeah
We're gonna hare real soon
Wear your brand new shoes, man
When's the next Full Moon?
We'll all be gone for Volcano
But some are sure to stay
Tell the officer we're hashin'
Hashin' USA

Visitors and Virgins
Drink beer and get lei'd!
It's all here in Hawaii
Forget about L.A.
All over the island
We are here to say

Everybody's gone hashin'
Hashin' USA!

HEADED OUT TO ORLANDO
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Melody - Come Monday (Jimmy Buffet)
Contributed by Dr D, performed by Dr D and Sit On My Face at InterAmerica's Hash '95 in Orlando

Headed out to Orlando
For the Labor day InterHash
I've got my muddy shoes on
I guess I never was meant for running marathons
Hey fellows, I didn't know
But If she's willing to go
Down on me, I'll be all right
Down on me, and I will sleep well tonight

CHORUS:
I've spent four awesome days
In the shiggy Everglades
And I just want to drink some more beer!

Yes, it's been quite a weekend
Empty kegs and piss in the pool
And now we're off to the hot tub
For Jammies toe sucking school
Hey darlin', it's hard don't you know
That's the reason I need you to go
Down on me, and I'll be all right
Down on me, and I will sleep well tonight

I can't help it honey,
I laughed at your pussy fart sound
Remember that night in the stairwell
When we thought there'd be no-one around

I hope you're enjoying the sucking
I swear I won't cum in your mouth
I promise I'll look you up darlin'
Next time that I'm headed down south
Thank you m'am, what a pleasure it's been
Could you tell me your hash name again? (as you go)
Down on me, I'll be all right
Down on me, and I will sleep well tonight

HE'S GOT THE CLAP AGAIN
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Modified by Davey Crotchit for the Seoul Southside H3 and YKH3
Melody - Those Were the Days

Once upon a time I was a Hasher,
Who ran the hash only to get laid,
You'd see hime staying late at every down-down,
But about this hasher you'd here someone say:
CHORUS:
He's got the clap again,
He really should refrain,
From Nicklebys, the Hill and Stompers too.
He's got the pills to use,
He must lay off the booze,
He's got the clap, oh yes, he's got the clap.

He finally found a girl he thought was different,
It must have been the tattoos on her boobs,
She sipped her beer through rosy choo-choo lips,
And over this hasher he began to drool, but...


CHORUS

She short-cut and he short-cut after,
Hoping that tonight he'd be in luck,
And when he heard "On-On" from the bushes,
He knew that they were finally going to fuck, now...

CHORUS

That night he drove her home to Itaewan,
They arranged that this would be a regular thing;
But one week later at the Down-Down,
He took a piss and felt that telltale sting, now...

CHORUS

I AM A HASHER, HOW 'BOUT YOU?
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Melody - Yankee Doodle Dandy
By Catwoman, Daytona HHH

I'm a dirty smelly hasher, chasing hares is what I do.
I check down trails in the afternoon, drink by the light of the moon.
I love mud and blood and brambles, toxic waste and smelly goo.
Dirty shoes and bloody knees and a real bad case of scabies,
I am a hasher, how 'bout you?

I'm a drunken beer soaked hasher, draining kegs is what I do.
For breakfast I must have some oatmeal stout, for lunch it's a Guinness or two.
For dinner I must do some thinking, Sam's or Pete's or maybe microbrew.
But when I'm hashing give me Schaeffers, give me Busch or Miller,
Cause I am a drunken hasher. Are you a drunken hasher?
I am a drunken hasher too.

I'm a horny sex-starved hasher, chasing tail is what I do.
I came to (Dayton) just to get a lay, ended up (screwing a ewe) or (with PayPerView),
I love kinky sex and spankings, naval shots and butt chugs too.
Give me dildoes, give me butt plugs, give me whips and bondage.
Cause I am a horny hasher! Are you a horny hasher?
I am a horny hasher too!

I DON'T WANNA HEAR A SONG
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Melody - Toys-R-Us Jingle (I Don't Wanna Grow Up . . . )
By Cold Box, Magic City H3 and Soft Taco, Birmingham H3

I don't wanna hear a song I've already heard,
Yeah, I get it, he's a piss pot, Alouette's a French bird!
You never worked in Chicago, that's all bullshit!!
So go ahead and show us your tits-----
No, she's got too much class, perhaps she'll show us her ass?!!?
I'd rather see her thong than sing a hash song!!!

I LOVE TO HAVE A BEER WITH __________
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Melody - I love to Have a Beer With Duncan (Slim Dusty)
By Hazukashii

I love to have a beer with Sky Queen,
I love to have a beer with Queen,
We drink in moderation,
God knows what its doin' to my spleen,
We drink at the Down-Down circle,
Where the atmosphere is great,
I love to have a beer with Sky Queen,
Because Sky Queen's me mate.

Aha ahe aho, bummpy bump bump. . .ahe aho

I love to have a beer with Flying Booger,
I love to have a beer with Boog,
We drink in moderation,
And sometimes we may chug,
We drink at the Down-Down circle,
Where the atmosphere is great,
I love to have a beer with Booger,
Because Booger's me mate.
Aha ahe aho, bummpy bump bump. . .ahe aho

I love to have a beer with Zippy,
I love to have a beer with Zip,
We drink in moderation,
As hares we give 'em the slip,
We drink at the Down-Down circle,
Where the atmosphere is great,
I love to have a beer with Zippy,
Because Zippy's me mate.

Aha ahe aho, bummpy bump bump. . .ahe aho

I love to have a beer with Cold Cuts,
I love to have a beer with CC,
We drink in moderation,
But I often have to pee.
We drink at the Down-Down circle,
Where the atmosphere is great,
I love to have a beer with Cold Cuts,
Because Cold Cuts' me mate.

Aha ahe aho, bummpy bump bump. . .ahe aho

And On & On, make up your own. . .

I'VE GOT THE CLAP AGAIN
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Melody - Those Were the Days

Once upon a time I was a Hasher,
Used to down an Anker Bir or two,
Remember how I laughed away the hours,
Dreaming of the whores that I would screw.
Every Monday evening I'd go Hashing,
Sometimes I'd short cut along the way,
But I'd always stay late at the On-On,
Where you'd often hear a Hasher say:

CHORUS:
I've got the clap again,
I really should refrain,
K-25, the Club, and Tanamour.
I've got the pills to use,
I must lay off the booze,
I've got the clap, oh yes, I've got the clap.

One night to the Hash there came a beauty,
A thing that's quite unusual to do.
But something made me think this girl was different,
It must have been the tattoos on her boobs.
She wore hot pants and see-through T-shirt,
Sipped her beer through rosy choo-choo lips.
All the men began to get excited,
At the sight of that young lady's swollen tits.

Five o'clock Hashmaster got his horn out,
Everybody else put theirs away.
Then I got myself into position,
Where I could see her lovely buttocks sway.
She short-cut and I short-cut behind her,
Wondering if tonight I'd be in luck.
Heard her calling "On-On" from the bushes,
And I knew right then that we were going to fuck.

This girl showed me that she was no novice,
Her repertoire of tricks sure made me sweat.
I came, she came, then we came together,
And our juices flowed till we were soaking wet.
Made our way back finally to the circle,
Watching smiling faces turning green.
Could it be that they were only jealous,
Or could it be they knew she wasn't clean?

Drove her home that night, she lived in Ancol,
Arranged that this should be a regular thing.
But then one week later at the On-On,
I took a piss and felt that tell-tale sting.
Now Dr. Budi has a Monday practice,
He's got a special clinic on the Hash.
So that we all can have our weekly check-ups,
And find out just what caused that nasty rash.

I'VE ONLY HALF A BRAIN
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Melody - If I Only Had a Brain (From the Wizard of Oz)
By Jim "Whiff" Montgomery of the Pittsburgh HHH, officially premiered at the Eerie (Erie, PA) HHH 1st Anniversary Hash in July 1994

I could wile away the hours,
Searchin' hills for flour,
Across a wide terrain.

I'd be chipper, and I'd be cheerful,
If my stomach had a beerful,
'Cause I've only half a brain.

With my arms and legs akimbo,
I'll be chasing after bimbos,
Through mud, thorns, and rain.

I'll be making lots of passes,
As I fondle all their asses,
'Cause I've only half a brain.

CHORUS:
I'll do down-downs till the keg begins to spit,
Then I'll fire one up and take a little hit,
I'll impress the women with my charming wit,
As I shout out, "Show us your tits!"

Then my beer I will be sharing,
With them as their breast they're baring,
Our urges unrestrained

Oh, our language will be rude as,
We exchange bod-i-ly fluids,
'Cause we've only half a brain.

JUNGLE SMELL
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Melody - Jingle Bells

Jungle smell, jungle smell,
Shiggy all the way,
Oh what fun it is to run
Through a swamp on Sunday - Hey!

Dashing through the jungle,
Following hash all the way,
All those SCBs,
Cursing all the way.

Dashing through the jungle,
Following hash all the way,
All those drunken SCBs,
Cursing all the way.

KEEP ON HASHING (Regardless of 1997)
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Melody - I Don't Want to Join the Army
Note: this is a Hong Kong hashing song by Malibog. He offers the following explanation: "PADS is the Port and Airport Development Strategy, which China has resisted to prevent Hong Kong spending its stored billions in reserves. China would prefer Hong Kong pass over the $ at the handover of sovereignty in 1997. Obviously we want to spend it, so we can all make some money. 'Gweilo' is a derogatory Chinese expression for Westerner meaning 'white ghost.' Maggie (I gave it away, I can take it back) Thatcher (or our Wanchai Hash Grand Mistress Maggie Reynolds - just as dangerous in command). Hong Kong Hashes mentioned: Monday - Kowloon Men's Hash. Tuesday - the Old Tarts (ladies hash). Wednesday - Little Sai Wan (mixed hash). Thursday - The SouthSide Gentlemen's Hash. There are no Friday or Saturday evening Hashes because we don't want to be too hangover on the following days our days off. Sunday - The Wanch Hash, Wan Chai (hangovers on Monday are mandatory)."

I got the shits with Mainland China,
I got the shits with them old boys you see,
When your on the PADS you know,
You shouldn't screw the lads,
Stuffing up the earnings of our gweilo package.
I know how to cope with these frustrations,
And it could be called a Carlsberg jamboree,
Why can't we stay with England?
With merry merry England,
And get a lease for one more century.
So we go . . .

CHORUS:
Monday hashing with the he-men,
Tuesday hashing with the girls,
By Wednesday I'm a mess, Little Sai Wan, I confess,
Drinking all the earnings of my gweilo package;
Thursday - the Gentlemen of the SouthSide,
And to The Wanch for some more therapy,
Why can't we stay with England?
With merry merry England,
And get a lease one more century.

We don't want to be in China
We don't want to work for yuan
We'd rather hang around, Hong Kong dollar or the Pound
Living off the earnings of our gweilo package;
Won't spend our days on a two-weeler
Won't spend our evenings drinking tea!
We'd rather stay with England
With merry merry England
And get a lease for one more century
So we go . . . (chorus)

They say it is a doomed territory
They say they'll push us Brits into the sea,
I called up my Mother, my sister, and my brother
They said, "You can't live with me!"
I don't want to join the party
I don't want to be a man called Wong!
I just want to go down, to old Wanchai
Spend up all the earnings of my Gweilo package;
I don't want no mainland women
'Cause Hong Kong's full of girls I haven't had
I just want to stay with England
With merry merry England
And colonize the place, just like my Dad.
And he went . . . (chorus)

We don't want to call the army
We don't want to go to war
We'd rather hang around, build an airport, on our ground
Building up the earnings of our Gweilo package;
There's a lot some people take for granted
There's a lot of politicking yet to come
But with Maggie and with Taiwan
We could push the border back to Canton
But with their "A" bomb, I 'spose that's kind of dumb.

Cause there'd be . . .
No more hashing with the he-men
No more hashing with the girls
By Wednesday, what a mess, all that fall-out, I confess
The living would be frying, in that thermal package;
No more gents, no more South-side
So everybody get down on your knees
Be careful will ya England
Real careful careful England
And ask 'em nicely for an airport please!

LAST HASH RUN
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Melody - Please, Please (Beatles)
Composed by members of Edmonton HHH

Last night I ran my last hash run,
We ran and ran it was so much fun,
(leader): On On
(pack): On On
(four times)
Please, please hash with me, I'll sleep with you.

They said to always wear protection,
I didn't care, I had an erection,
(leader): Scratch Scratch
(pack): Scratch Scratch
(four times)
Please, please scratch my itch, I'll scratch yours too.

They gave me a special kind of lotion (on on on on on on on)
It burns my palm when I do the motion,
(leader): On On
(pack): On On
(four times)
Please, please hash with me, I'll hash with you.

Six bottles later with no improvement,
Hash doctors say they must remove it,
(leader): Cut Cut
(pack): Ow Ow
(four times)
Oh please raise your stein, in memory of mine!

LIKE A GEEZER WHO HAS SINNED
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Melody - Like a Candle in the Wind
By Major Fuckin' Bonehead, sung to Bill "Nookey" Gilroy by the Edmonton H3 pack on the occasion of his 2nd annual 69th Birthday Party, November 1999

Goodbye Bill Gilroy . . . though you never knew youth at all.
You had your cane to hold yourself . . . while most of us still crawled.
We crawled to your seniors lodge . . . and we whispered into your brain.
We ran you on our hash-trails . . . and we made you change your name.
And it seems to me you lived your life . . . like a geezer who has sinned.
Never knowing who to drool on . . . when old age set in.
Edison would have liked to have known you . . . but he was just a kid.
Your sex drive burned out long before . . . his light bulb ever did.
Alzheimer's was tough . . . as tough as never getting laid.
EH3 created a superstar . . . and gout was the price you paid.
Even when you died . . . oh the press still hounded you.
All the HashTrash had to say . . . was that Nookey was found in the Nude!
And it seems to me you lived your life . . . like a geezer who has sinned.
Never knowing who to drool on . . . when old age set in.
Edison would have liked to have known you . . . but he was just a kid.
Your sex drive burned out long before . . . his light bulb ever did.
Goodbye Bill Gilroy . . . though you never knew youth at all.
You had your cane to hold yourself . . . while most of us still crawled.
Goodbye Bill Gilroy . . . from the virgin on their 22nd beer.
Who sses you as something more than sexual . . . More than just a little bit queer!
And it seems to me you lived your life . . . like a geezer who has sinned.
Never knowing who to drool on . . . when old age set in.
Edison would have liked to have known you . . . but he was just a kid.
Your sex drive burned out long before . . . his light bulb ever did.
Your sex drive burned out long before . . . his light bulb ever did.

THE LONELIEST HARE
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Melody - Unknown
Written by Specklebird for Second City HHH

Once there was a hasher not unlike you or me
Who had to hare on a cold December twenty-three,
For sad was his mood
The turnout was not good
Everyone was home decorating the tree.

He pouted at the bar with his brew
Wearing his sweats and a shirt and his shoes ,
"Where are they at?
It's a well-laid trail at that,"
But the date and the weather gave clue.

In Chicago, it's too cold to hash to-day,
Perhaps not in California or Texas or Floriday,
Up here it's sub "O"
Bitter winds doth blow
And the skies are a dark, cloudy gray.

But, lo, at halfway to four
Two hashers walked thru the door
Followed by two more,
Three more then four more
Through the door hashers continued to pour.

More hashers walked into the bar for their brew
A grand total of twenty-two,
Beer was poured,
Some songs they roared,
The lonely hasher's elation grew.

"On Out" was called with a tweet
All hashers then got to their feet
They left the bar's heat
To gather in the street
The hare said the trail would be neat.

The hare was overjoyed, he was glad,
What a grand turnout he had!
A promised great trail
A fun time would prevail
As a hare he would not fail (because that would be bad).

So grand was his rapture, his luck,
He danced and kicked and danced and bucked,
He followed the hounds across the street
All while kicking up his feet
And then got hit by a delivery truck.

Now the loneliest hare is dead and cold
And the moral to this story I am told,
You will never fail
If you set a great trail
But look both ways before crossing that road!

MOONING IN THE SUN
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Melody - Seasons in the Sun
Chorus originally written by Dimitri "Dim Sum" Kieffer, Puget Sound HHH; verses were added by Stray Dog

I went down South to get some sun,
To the Bike Week Hash to have some fun,
I just joined the hash to run.
I didn't know they'd really care,
If I mooned them over there.

CHORUS:
We had joy, we had fun,
We went mooning in the sun.
But the cops, they had guns,
And they shot us in the buns.

The cops they came from down the street,
I couldn't get my pants up from my feet,
Grabbing cloth from my back seat.
They were gaining on me quick,
I was feeling kind of sick.

The bikers hollered to me "Stop!"
I felt a sting and heard a big loud "Pop!"
And then I knew it was the cop.
In the ass he hit my pride,
Down I went, I thought I'd died.

The hashers came to give me cheer,
To my bed they brought a keg of beer,
I grabbed a cup and held it dear.
The cop outside began to shout,
"Leave my prisoner and get out!"

I was moved though still quite pale,
The judge said "Give him thirty days in jail!"
I was put into a cell.
When bikers saw my bun,
I was safe from all their fun.

The moral of this story's clear,
Stick to hashing and to drinking beer,
I'll never moon again, don't fear.
For when you get shot in the ass,
Your mooning days are over fast.

MORGAN'S PIES
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Melody - Jingle Bells
Contributed by Dennis "Mu-Sick" Gill, Ft Walton Beach HHH, Florida

Dashing down the road,
With a cooler full of pies,
It's a heavy load,
But it's for us guys.

CHORUS:
Oh, Morgan's pies, Morgan's pies,
Morgan, you're a dick.
When we eat your fucking pies,
We gety fucking sick.

I ate a Morgan pie,
A down-down I did do,
Now I've got that fucking pie,
Caked upon my shoe.

His moped has arrived,
Fiesta time is right,
What fun it is to eat and puke,
Some Morgan's putrid pies.

We sing this little song,
We sing it just for you,
Now we think it's only right,
That you should eat one too.

MOUNT BONNELL
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Melody - Blueberry Hill
(Mount Bonnell is a favorite Austin HHH on-on site)

I had my fill,
On Mount Bonnell,
On Mount Bonnell,
When I had you.

The moon stood still,
On Mount Bonnell,
And lingered until,
Myself came true.

Tho' we're apart,
I'm a part of you still,
For you weren't on the pill,
On Mount Bonnell.

MY BIG BANANA # 1
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Melody - Daylight Come and I Want to Go Home
Lyrics by Cracker, Ankara HHH

I said to my girl, "What are ya' doin' tomorrow?"
Run the Hash cos' I wanna go home.
Would you like to go on the Hash in ________?
Run the Hash cos' I wanna go home.

So, I picked her up in my little auto.
Run the Hash cos' I wanna go home.
She sure looked pretty, I said "Oh mama."
Run the Hash cos' I wanna go home.

CHORUS:
Daaaaaaeeeoh, daaaaaaeeeeoh,
Run the Hash cos' I wanna go home.

But this is where my troubles began-ah.
Run the Hash cos' I wanna go home.
That's when she spotted my big banana.
Run the Hash cos' I wanna go home.

She leaned over and grabbed my banana.
Run the Hash cos' I wanna go home.
Peeled back the skin - eyes like a piranha.
Run the Hash cos' I wanna go home.

Chorus

I said, "Oh no, not my prize banana!"
Run the Hash cos' I wanna go home.
But she bit off the top in a violent manner.
Run the Hash cos' I wanna go home.

Now, I've got just a little banana.
Run the Hash cos' I wanna go home.
And that's the end of my family planner.
Run the Hash cos' I wanna go home.

Chorus

MY BIG BANANA # 2

Melody - Daylight Come and I Want to Go Home
Contributed by Mr. Bean, Bandung HHH

I said to this girl, "What are ya' doin' tomorrow?"
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.
Would you like to see a Hash at the Tankuban Perahu?
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.

So, I picked her up in my antique auto.
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.
She sure looked pretty, I said "Oh mama."
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.

CHORUS:
Daaaaaaeeeoh, daaaaaaeeeeoh,
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.

But this is where my troubles began-ah.
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.
That's when she spotted my big banana.
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.

She leaned over and grabbed my banana.
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.
Peeled back the skin - eyes like a piranha.
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.

Chorus

I said, "Oh no, not my prize banana!"
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.
But she bit off the top in a violent manner.
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.

Now, I've got just a little banana.
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.

And that's the end of my family planner. I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.

Chorus

I say six inch, seven inch, eight inch, CHOMP!
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.
I say six inch, seven inch, Mike Tyson, CHOMP!
I pergi Hash now I wanna go home.

Chorus

ODE TO A HASHER
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Melody - Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
Contributed by Chorizo

Starkle Starkle little twink,
Who the hell are you I think,
I'm not as drunk as thinkle peep,
I'm just a little slort of sheep,
A few brewkies make a guy,
Fool so feelish, don't know why,
Really don't know who's me yet,
The drunker I stay the longer I get,
So just one more to fill my cup,
I've all day sober to Sunday up.

ODE TO COMMODE FOR THE FLOUNDER
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Melody - Unknown
by Tortus, Samurai HHH

In the beginning,
Before there was HASH,
Saturday's were boring
As householder's tasks.

Washing the cars,
Cleaning the glasses
Trimming the kids
And wiping their asses.

Back in the year of
Eighty and five,
A brain-phart was born
That is still alive.

Out from the classroom
The shout, "now he's farted."
And with a foul breeze
The Samurai, Milt started.

From a cadre demented
That numbered a few,
Uncle Milty, Gympy and
Chucky-Choo-Choo.

The antics, ideas, and
Concepts he cheered
Took root, were nourished
And grew wild on beer.

Let's live life, be happy,
Run trail til you drop
If the terrain is too hilly
Just find a beer stop.

Up steps, climb a fence,
Dodge a truck, cross a river
Drink it down, Samurai Chief,
Maybe hurl, kill your liver.

The pack swells to 90
And the temperatures, too
As the pack's in pursuit
Of elusive cool brew.

A chorus, a cry as one from the pack,
"Could this be a CB?"
"Where the f**k are we?"
"Is this a back track?"

So Saturday's have purpose,
We have something to do,
And dear Uncle Milty
It's all thanks to YOU!

ONCE A BLOODY HASHMAN
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Melody - Waltzing Matilda

Once a bloody Hashman fell into a shiggy-pit,
Tripped on the edge of a benjo ditch,
And he hummed and he stank as he swallowed all that shiggy-pit,
I'll never see Beer Near, said he.

CHORUS:
Short-cutting bastard, short-cutting bastard,
I'll never short-cut again, said he.
And he stank as he sank and wallowed in that shiggy-pit,
Who'll come a'running the Hash with me?

Up jumped a papa-san screaming most hysterically,
You can't run through my cane, said he,
That's my jolly shiggy-pit you've got in your underpants,
That will cost you tak-san yen, one, two, three.

Out climbed the Hashman, dripping very smellily,
You'll never get your kitty from me,
And he squelched and he oozed as the papa-san he ran away,
Who'll come a'running the Hash with me?

Now his voice may be heard As he runs the trail so all-alone,
Please, please, please blow your whistle for me,
But the pack, far ahead, is hiding very craftily,
Back to your shiggy-pit and let us be.

ONLY REAL MEN RUN THE SOUTHSIDE
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Melody - Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland
By Malibog, Angeles City HHH

Lacy things, have gone missing,
Didn't ask her permission,
They're wearing her clothes, her silk panty-hose,
And running 'round in womens' underwear.

CHORUS:
Okay guys, if you wanna,
You can dress like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade, make a SouthSide parade,
Go running 'round in womens' underwear.

On ET, there is a teddy,
Little straps, like spaghetti,
It hugs him real tight like Primo's handcuffs at night,
He's running 'round in womens' underwear.

The SouthSide GM, he's a fancy fella,
He likes to put them onto auto-pay,
About blokes in dresses - he says "No way!
"But running in your high heels, that's Okay."

Over the hills, see them coming,
SouthSide Hashers are running,
Dressed up like Bo-Peep, cause they're all into sheep,
And running 'round in womens' underwear.

On SouthSide Hash, there's a guy called Panda,
He likes to pretend that he's not gay,
He says, "Are you ready?" We say, "No way!
Well - do you think these shoes will be okay?"

Come and join SouthSide Hashers,
They don't mind if you're flashers,
They'll dress you all up, put on a "B" cup,
And run around in womens' underwear.

(Slower)
For they're not adverse,
To dressing reverse,
And running 'round in womens' underwear.

OUR GM
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Melody - From the Halls of Montezuma
Contributed by Sodbuster, Copenhagen HHH

There's a man we call our GM,
Who's brave & fine & mad,
And we'll follow him forever,
Though his mental state is bad.

We'll run for him in sunshine,
We'll run for him in rain,
Though we know he's got a swelling,
On the front part of his brain.

Oh, he may have little black-outs,
But they're only fairly slight,
He has moments of depression,
When the Hares don't get it right.

He's got all the classic symptoms,
Of advanced mental decay,
Still we'll kill ourselves for GM,
Despite all the doctors say.

THE OUT OF TOWNER
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Melody - The Battle of New Orleans
Composed by Flamin' Asshole, Emerald Coast HHH; contributed by M.I.A.

We jumped into our auto and we headed out of town,
Why were you born so beautiful, you better drink it down.
We pulled into the parking lot, it didn't take us long,
To jump out of our autos and sing this bloody song.

CHORUS:
We found cold beer so we all began a'drinkin',
The beer was pretty tasty, so we thought we'd have some more.
The hours passed by and we kept on bloody drinkin',
We're not leavin' till we're heavin' and we've passed out on the floor.

We met up with the hashers who invited us to here,
To fornicate and copulate and drink their bloody beer.
We kissed and hugged the hashers who had come from near and far,
We heard the cries of "On On" coming from a distant bar.

The hares had just departed and had started laying trail,
When the cops surrounded us and said we all are goin' to jail.
We climbed into the paddy wagon, locked inside the cavern,
But when the doors flew open we were at another tavern.
(And the hares laughed so . . . )

We circled up for Down Downs and to sing another song,
When something started telling us there must be something wrong.
Our bellies started growling they they needed liquid grub,
So we put away the food and went to chug inside the pub.

We went on to the On On On to have a rowdy time,
But all that we could gather from our pockets was a dime.
We put our heads together and thought that we could scrounge,
The money it would take to get a beer inside the lounge.

We packed our bags and loaded up to get away from there,
When someone in the crowd yelled out, "We found some more cold beer!"
We couldn't leave the ice cold beer 'cause it would be a sin,
We downed our beer and started home but wound up at an inn.

OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS
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Melody - Same
Contributed by Access Denied, Maryland Dirt Road HHH

Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
This trail really sucks,
The pack's out of luck,
Why are we in Mexico?
Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
If we find the hare,
We'll strip him all bare,
And into the creek he will go!

Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
If we find the On-In,
The Down-Downs begin,
A singin' and drinkin' show.
Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
We'll pass 'round the jug,
And fill up our mug,
As the beer and the whisky flow.

Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
I asked her for sex,
She said I was next,
After Larry, Curley and Moe.
Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
She wanted a bed,
I asked for some head,
She obliged me with a blow.

Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
I tripped on a rock,
And busted my cock,
It needs Viagra to grow.
Over the river and through the woods,
Down the hashing trail we go;
When you can't have sex,
And your girl is your ex,
Give your thumb and fingers a go.

PEOPLE IN PINK TUTUS
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Melody - The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers
Composed by Flying Booger upon the occasion of San Francisco HHH's Pink Tutu Hash, May '95

The wonderful thing about people in pink tutus,
People in pink tutus are a wonderful thing,
Their dicks are sheathed in rubber,
Their tampons have wonderful strings.
They're bouncy, wouncy, trouncy, flouncy,
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!
But the most wonderful thing about people in pink tutus is . . .
I'm NOT the only one!

RAP IT UP!
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Melody - Generic Rap Noise
Composed by Broomhilda, Long Beach HHH, to commemorate LBHHH Run # 503, May 26, 1994

The name of the 'hood is Rolling Hills
Here come the Hastas looking for
(cheap) SHEEP THRILLS.

EZ was early - tryin' to pay his dough,
Dirty Something had his rugrat in tow.

Pile Driver said he ran here from home,
Chum tried to get her husband to cum . . .

Riff Raff and Boobs were early this time,
Said "If Tuna's the hare, gimme back my dime."

Tuna Taco announced, "A to A run,"
There he goes, spoilin' Walkin' Small's fun.

Tuna was off at 6:32,
His tights were red, but his shirt was blue.

LA/LB . . . whose turf was he in?
Either way he'd fit right in.

CHORUS:
Our turf is wide - LAX to Beach,
No alley or valley is beyond our reach.
This hash ain't dope, this hash is good,
Each Thursday night we trash a different hood.

So Tuna is off and taggin' the street,
Just follow the chalk marks at our feet.

To quote Shortstrokes, the concept is clear,
Follow the graffiti to the beer.

The run headed west thru some fancy hood,
Passing Wind passed me, movin' real good.

I gossiped with Luftswine 'bout C.Q. weddin' illin',
Then we came to a check and some down-hillin'.

Off trail we followed Scooter and Lipo down,
Wished I had some bread crumbs to throw on the ground.

Then up the streets and Via Pavo,
(Hey - is that Spanish for "paved road?")

Found some trail, then shortcut again,
To a scenic viewpoint just 'round the bend.

No flour, no whistles, no runners in sight,
We might be in for a long, lost night.

At the corner where Newton and Hawthorne meet,
There we found arrows at our feet.

We tagged the ground, 7:23,
PH, LS, BH - the SCBs.

Hey, that's short-cuttin' bimbos to you,
When you're slow and sneaky, what else can you do?

Turned a corner - whoop - there it is!
We don't wanna mess with this chicken biz.
(Long Beach HHH drinks Down Downs from a rubber chicken - F.B.)

So we hid 'hind a Beemer till Spanks came through,
She thinks she's the wiener, but we know the truth!

And while we're at it, let's get something straight,
These girls in the hood all beat their mates.

At the end there was plenty to hear and to see,
Fruit said "We don't circle jerk here in LBHHH."

I asked someone what we had missed,
He said the good stuff went like this -

True trail ran by the Begonia Garden,
Where the fertilzer smelled like someone fartin'.

Is Begonia related to Petunia Taco?
She might be his sister, but we don't know.

At the rocket ship beer check, there was nothin' to fear,
Helter Skelter and EZ were guardin' the beer.

AT&T passes out some greasy fries,
From In 'n' Out Burger to all of the guys.

She hears that A. Tourist owned eight cars,
"Gosh, is he married?" - her eyes were like stars.

Repeat chorus

Back at the finish we were all chillin',
It's Down Down time and the hashers were willin'.

The usual crowd of returners was big,
Is new boot Mike a Marine in a wig?

Luftswine drank for her 500th mile,
and Mongo won't do it Doggie Style.

She said, "Our sex life has become really phony."
He said, "Don't complain, I bought you a pony."

The Hashit is Chum's, but wait, have you heard?
Lipo and So. Baptits just did the M word.

And now that's over, it's On On time,
That's the story, all told in rhyme.

So say what you will about this rap,
You might think it's nothin' but crap.

All in all the trail was nothin' to dis,
And I'm just a bitch with PMS . . .

SHE AIN'T GONNA FUCK NO MORE
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Melody - Battle Hymn of the Republic

My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the whore,
Who had fucked all round Jakarta, but had never come before,
She'd fuck and suck most anything and she had a running sore,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

CHORUS:
Gory, gory, hallelujah,
Gory, gory, hallelujah,
Gory, gory, hallelujah,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

She hung around the Tankard and she danced at Tanamour,
And with all the fucking that she'd done, she'd never come before,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

She almost quit then in despair, but then she had a flash,
She said "I've tried most everything, but haven't tried the HASH!
And all those wankers are so pissed up, they'll never see the rash,"
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

And so one steaming Monday night, she found the Anker truck,
She could see by the crazed looks in their eyes that she would have some luck,
So she strolled into the circle and challenged anyone to a fuck,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

The Hash Master was in control and so he stepped up first,
But sadly the man had drunk too much and overquenched his thirst,
When he pulled his flaccid penis out, she laughed like she would burst,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

The Joint Hash Masters took a turn, they stepped up one by one,
But with each prick she gave a sigh, for still she hadn't come,
She said, "You're no good at fucking, you'd best go back and run,"
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

The Masters of Music tried their hands but couldn't do a thing,
One was so tired from running, all that he could do was sing,
The other tried a shortcut, got his prick lost in her ring,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

Hash Cash stepped hard into the fray and tried to fill the breach,
But when he put it up inside she said it wouldn't reach,
So she grabbed the Secretary and she sucked him like a leech,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

The Scribe stepped up and cried, "The pen is mightier than the sword,"
But when he jumped upon her she just lay there looking bored,
She said, "You're really nothing when you've whored like I have whored,"
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

The Religious Advisor said a prayer and called upon the Gods,
The only way to make her come was with his divine rod,
But even with celestial help, he was like the other sods,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

All in the circle took their turns, the Germans and the Frogs,
The Aussies, Yanks, and Pommies and even a couple of dogs,
But the Dutchmen were the last in line to shed their running togs,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

When they all had finished she said, "There's something I must tell,
I've laid here in the circle and watched all your pricks swell,
But for all the good you've done for me, you can all go straight to hell,"
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

They each had tried her one by one as she lay upon the grass,
They'd jammed it up her cunt and mouth and some had tried her ass,
The one thing that they hadn't tried, was to fuck her all en masse,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

What alone they didn't do, they accomplished it in sum,
With three pricks between each finger and eighteen up her bum,
And sixteen each in cunt and mouth, she said, "I think I'm gonna come,"
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

The city bells began to peel, her body began to shake,
Exploding rockets lit the sky, the earth began to quake,
That one massive orgasm was all that she could take,
But she ain't gonna fuck no more.

And when they climbed down off her and they looked upon the ground,
Nothing of her could be seen and nothing could be found,
They said though she was one good fuck, she'd never be a Hash House Hound,
For she ain't gonna fuck no more.

SHIGGY

Melody - Sugar by the Archies
By Cold Box from Magic City H3 and Penalty Box

Shiggy------
This trail is so shiggy------
Thorns and limbs scratching up my skin,
A piece of wood sticking outta my shin!!

Bloody------
My legs are all bloody------
And I've also gotta take a piss!!
Somehow I know I'll be drinking for this!!

Ivy------
Ran through some poison ivy------
I'm highly allergic, too!!
It's still tangled up around my shoe!!

Muddy------
My feet are so muddy------
Brown hashin' shoes have a permanent stain!!
From running through ungodly terrain!!

Big snake------
I just saw a big snake------
He's over there behind that tree!!
Waiting to bite the shit outta me!!

Redrum (or murder)------
That hare I'm gonna redrum------
He better run really fast!!!
If I catch him I will kill his ass!!
(when singing "redrum" hold up and bend finger)

Hashing------
These are the joys of hashing------
Bunch o' drunk running fools!!!
How can you have a club without any rules!?!?!?!!

THE SHORT CUTTER
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Melody - The Irish Rover
Note: another song from Hong Kong by Malibog, who explains "The Wanch is the Hong Kong Hash House; the Firehouse is a bad bar full of bad bad girls who can't afford to wear clothes; the SouthSide is a Gentlemen's Hash which to be a member of you must pay fees by direct debit; Lip-stick is a local (blow-job) girlie bar; and Sauerkraut and Candy are Hash Tarts.

I've been a short-cutter for many a year
And I've spent all my money,
Down the Wanch, for the beer.
But now I'm reforming, my name to restore,
And I never will be the short-cutter, no more.

CHORUS:
So it's no nay never,
No nay never, no more
Will I be, a short-cutter,
No never, no more.

Well it's off to a Firehouse I'm known to frequent,
Mumersun knows, my money was spent.
Ask her for credit, she answered me, "Yeah!"
So just like the SouthSide - I'm on autopay.

When you ask for a screw, in my belief,
You should tell the good lady you'll put on a sheath.
But being a short-cutter, I forgot what I say,
And now she tells me, I've got twins on the way.

A short-cut to the Wanch, gave me nothing but strife,
When I said I'll go sober, to my darling wife.
I short-cut the shower, when I'd been with them whores,
Wasn't she with Lip-stick in my drawers.

Now dating a German, is cheap for the price,
They bonk before dinner, and earn it but thrice.
So you can short-cut the Fraulein - don't take her out,
Just let her go hungry while you eat Sauerkraut.

"You must marry the girl, for what you have done,"
Said her dad with a smile - as he pointed his gun.
But being a short-cutter, that wasn't for me,
You don't buy the store when you want some Candy.

But the times they are nigh for me to repent
And watch what I do, and the money I spent.
No more a short-cutter - "Oh is it my turn to shout?"
"Well fuck-off you lot, I was on my way out!"

SHORT-CUTTER'S RHAPSODY
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Melody - Bohemian Rhapsody
By Beaver Bam Bam Balls, Nittany Valley HHH

Is this the true trail?
Is this a goddamn check?
Caught in a quagmire
Sinking up to my fucking neck
Open your eyes, I've cut up my thighs and knees.

I'm always off trail, nobody waits for me
'Cause I'm checking left, checking right
There's no flour in my sight
Anywhere the trail goes, doesn't really matter to me, to me.

The hare, has set a trail
Spent hours tromping 'round, throwing flour on the ground
The trail, the trail had just begun
And now I've gone and left it all behind
The hare, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Don't care to run your trail
If I'm not back in time to do a down-down
Carry on, carry on, 'cause it doesn't really matter.

The trail, has gone it's way
My throat is getting dry, not a beer around to spy
Goodbye everybody, I'm off the trail
And now I'm going to search for beer in vain
Momma, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never left camp at all.

I'm just a little short-cutting little bastard
Schadamooch, schadamooch, will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very, frightening me
Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo Figero
Where did you go....

I'm just a short-cutter, nobody loves me
He's just a short-cutter from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity.

Harriette, run with me, will you let me cum
No, we will not let you cum, let him cum
No, we will not let you cum, let him cum
Let me cum, let him cum, let me cum, let him cum, let me cum....
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh momma mia, momma mia, momma mia let me cum
Beelzebub, has the devil put aside for me, for me, for me...

So we've finished the trail and the down-downs are flowing
At the apre' we're looking for bimbos for blowing
Oh, baby, at the apre' baby
Just don't run our, just don't you run out of beer.

Oooh . . .
Oh, yah, oh, yah.
The trail doesn't matter, anyone can see
The apre' really matters, the apre' really matters to me.

Anywhere the trail goes. . . .

SIXTEEN MILES
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Melody - Sixteen Tons
(attributed to the Houston HHH)

CHORUS:
You run sixteen miles, and what do you get?
Another day older and covered in shit.
Great Hasher don't you call me, cause I can't go,
I short cut the trail and I've miles to go.

Well, I woke up this morning in a bed - not mine,
With my Nikes in my hands, left for On-Ons to find,
I started with my buddies at half past three,
But I short cut the trail, now I'm an SCB.

Well, I looked for trail all over the place,
I could of followed Ons but I wanted to race,
Thought I'd get ahead, thought it'd be so boss,
But I followed my ass, now I'm hopelessly lost.

Well, I asked the Hare how much further to run,
He held up both hands, said "Let me show you, son,
Just count these and multiply by nine."
Oh, Great Hasher, please show me a sign!

So I've run for hours under blazing sun,
I really don't know how far I've gone,
I wanted a cold beer but I'll settle for wine,
Oh, Great Hasher - for some fruit of the vine!

Great Hasher won't you call me?
I'm having fits,
I've short cut the trail,
And now I'm covered in SHIT!

SONG TO CUMING MUTHA
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Melody - Waltzing Matilda
Composed by Banjo Paterson of the San Francisco HHH to honor departing GM Cuming Mutha, September 1994

Once a jolly 'Stralian came to California,
"I'm gonna make me a fortune" said he,
And he worked and he hashed as he waited for his cash to build.
"Who'll come a-hashin in Frisco with me?"

CHORUS:
Hashing with Norman "Cuming Mutha" Wheatley,
Who would go a-hashing with such a man as he?
And he worked and he ran and he hashed in San Francisco,
"Who will come a-hashing in Frisco with me?"

And he worked with his toys in the Valley they call Silicon,
"Silicone's for titty-bumps, not fucking industry!"
So declared our Hashman, intelligent and witty one,
Oh, what a sly and a cool one was he!

Up jumped a bunch of bucks, full of piss and vinegar,
"Grab him, we'll make him our leader, will we!"
They selected him Grand Master and that was the down-fall of him,
"You'll go a-hashing, Grand Master, will ye"

Then there was that asshole, an Irishman of little wit,
Bent on destruction and mayhem was he.
Out with his pal, as if anyone would give a shit,
On with our hashing, our hashing went we.

Then came the Harriettes, surrounding their Grand Master,
Head like a bowling ball, moustachioed was he.
And they teased his little pecker-stick 'til it grew to a three-inch dick,
"Who ya gonna please with that thing? Not me!"

The economy it took a turn, and Tandem took a turn with it,
"My fortune will never be found here" said he.
So he filled his gut with Fosters' and sent his shit by Qantas,
"Won't you come a-hashing in 'Stralia with me?"

Good bye, then, to Norman "Cuming Mutha" Wheatley,
Who would go a-hashing with such a man as he?
And he wanked and he hashed and he went back to Australia,
Some day we'll come a-hashing in 'Stralia with ye.

SPIDERS IN MY HAIR
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Melody - Strangers in the Night
By Waterloo, first performed at the Agana, Guam, HHH Halloween Hash, 1994

Spiders in my hair,
How fucking frightful,
Spiders in my hair,
Far from delightful,
This humongous bug,
Could be poisonous.

Running down my back,
It makes my skin crawl,
Disappears into my crack,
Down by my left ball,
Now I'm fucking sick,
It's headed for my dick.

It's way past time to drop,
My pants and leap,
Around in crazy dance . . .

Fuck this jungle shit,
Give me some urban,
My hair is full of webs,
A sticky turban,
I may soon be dead,
Before this hash is through.

Now I'm back on trail,
Then just like always,
Without fucking fail,
I see the "On Back,"
Webs hanging from my face,
I turn back in disgrace.

I've risked my life for little gain,
I'll have to run the hash again, and
Then I see the tracks in jungle clearing,
With you crazy fucks, all sweat and beering,
You just don't fucking care,
About spiders in my hair.

SUCKANNA
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Melody - Oh Diana
Malibog's version of the Thai classic (see "Suckanya" in the Famous Harriettes section)

I'm so young and you're so old,
You've had a baby I've been told,
I don't care what my friends say,
I'll pay your bar-fine anyway.
You and I shall never part,
Here's three thousand, for a start.

Oh, please play with me - Suckanna

In Pussycat I found you there,
Blowing BOF - why should I care?
And five mates on Wanchai Hash,
Told me you gave them a rash.
For your tonsils to align,
It's your contract - I must sign.

Oh, please stay with me - Suckanna

Thrills I get when you hold it close,
Oh Suckanna you're the most,
I love you but do you love me,
Oh Suckanna keep blowing me.
I love you with all my heart,
But don't bite off my private part.

Oh, please keep sucking me - Suckanna.

You moved in, you trashed my car,
In Neptune's you're still the star,
You go out most every night,
Come home at noon, oh what a sight.
In your heart I'll always stay,
As long as I can pay and pay.

Oh, please what about me - Suckanna

Now your flip mates are living here,
They just bitch and drink my beer,
I don't mind some beer to shout,
But today they threw me out.
All I ask is one more suck,
You just say I'm out of luck.
Oh, please go down on me - Suckanna.

Hold me darling, hold it close,
Oh Suckanna your the most,
You gave me the clap and now you're cold
My motorcycle you just sold.
You say its fair, it's like a fee,
To pay the bill for wanking me,
I loved you with all my heart,
But you don't just bite my my private part.

OH! please go easy on me - Suckanna

Got you a job in this fair town,
Again you took me for a clown,
You're too busy for a date,
Till you found you're three months late.
I've loved you for all this time,
But my right palm I must shine.

Oh please, it wasn't me - Suckanna.

Legionnaires, I'll volunteer,
Or maybe I could turn queer,
I'm at a loss, I must admit,
How to get out of all this shit.
I could just run to anywhere,
But now she says there's two in there.

Oh please, have mercy on me - Suckanna.

My ETC, you cleaned out,
Now I know what it's all about,
But you say you can't marry me,
'Cause I'd be husband number three.
Oh god damn - what rotten luck,
Thought I was a real dead duck.

Oh, please marry me - Suckanna.

Its okay, a false alarm,
But my girl ain't lost her charm,
She didn't do it, just to me,
Half the Hash thought they should flee.
But do you think that we could part?
She would miss my golden heart.

Oh, please keep fleecing me - just Suckanna . . .
Oh, please - Suckanna . . .
Oh, please - Suckanna . . .

SUPER HASHER
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Melody - Battle Hymn of the Republic
From the Austin HHH Songbook

He started off at five, as the GM cried "On-On,"
Loping o'er the hedges to the blowin' of the horn,
But the run it was a righty, and the poor bloke went straight on,
Oh, he ain't gonna Hash no more.

CHORUS:
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Gory, gory, what a hell of a way to die,
Oh, he ain't gonna Hash no more.

He ran through the bushes to the cheering of the throng,
Following their happy cries, he felt he wasn't wrong,
But the cunning little bastards were just stringing him along,
Oh, he ain't gonna Hash no more.

He ran on through the forests as the daylight turned to gray,
Searching for the flour, but it was far away,
And he knew he had to find it so he could run another day,
Oh, he ain't gonna Hash no more.

It was approaching darkness, and many hills he'd crossed,
He'd traversed mighty rivers, as he dreamt of getting sauced,
But now he began to realize that he was just fucking lost,
Oh, he ain't gonna Hash no more.

He ran on past small shacks lit with dim and flickering tapers,
He damned the hare and co-hare for not laying much more paper,
And also the "Pervert," the bleeding fornicator,
Oh, he ain't gonna Hash no more.

He thought of all the hounds drinking Shiner at the truck,
And the bastards who left early so that they could have a fuck,
But our poor bloke was miles away, and he was out of luck,
Oh, he ain't gonna Hash no more.

Oh, in the gathering darkness, he ran o'er the fields,
Trampling the new rice crops he could neither see nor feel,
But the farmer he was watching, and he began to squeal,
Oh, he ain't gonna Hash no more.

He thought that he might make it now, so gleefully he sang,
But then he glanced behind him, and the farmer bared his fangs,
And reached into his waistband for his trusty sharp parang,
Oh, he ain't gonna Hash no more.

The farmer leapt out after him, his doorway still unshut,
For the only thing he'd wanted in all his life was but,
Some Hasher's balls adorning the mantel of his hut,
Oh, he ain't gonna Hash no more.

In a blazing burst of speed our hound took off across the fields,
The farmer he was losing ground, but now his fate was sealed,
For ahead there was a shiggy-pit with no bloody way to yield,
Oh, he ain't gonna Hash no more.

He teetered on the edge of that dark and dismal pit,
And then, in desperation, he jumped into its midst,
And as he sank from sight he cried, "What a fucking crock of shit!"
Oh, he ain't gonna Hash no more.

So, if you go a'runnin' upon a Sunday night,
And come across a shiggy-pit upon the left or right,
Remember our poor Hasher and his shit-i-i-ful plight,
Oh, he ain't gonna Hash no more.

SWAMP-ASS
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Melody - My Girl
Composed by Orchid-Gina of the South Dakota Big Heads H3

I get Swamp-Ass on a sunny day,
Even when it's cold outside, I got the month of May.

(Chorus)
I guess you'd say Hashing makes me feel this way,
Swamp-Ass, Swamp-Ass, Swamp-Ass,
Talkin' bout Swamp-Ass.
Swamp-Ass!

I get so much moisture in this crack of mine,
The best performance undies in the world won't dry up my behind.

(Chorus)

My cheeks get more slimy the further I run,
Should I get some "Depends" for my soaking bum?

(Chorus)

SWILLIGAN'S ISLAND
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Melody - Gilligan's Island Theme
From Whiff, Pittsburgh HHH

Just sip yer brew and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a drunken hash.
That started with a keg of beer,
And everyone got trashed. (Repeat)

The first hare was a brainless cooch,
His co-hare was half as smart.
Two hundred some odd half-minds,
Took off in a cloud of farts. (Repeat)

The hills got steep, the shiggy deep,
The back checks had them fooled.
Then someone found the beer stop,
And everybody drooled. (Repeat)

The mud had sucked their sneakers off,
Their legs were ripped a lot.
But once they had their nectar,
The trail they soon forgot. (Repeat)

The moral is no matter how,
Much shiggy's on your trail,
A hashin' twit don't give a shit,
While he's swilling his ale.

THANK GOD I'M A HASHING GIRL
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Melody - Thank God I'm a Country Boy, by John Denver
Composed by Prodigy, New York City HHH

I'm riding in the car,
Caffeine in my veins!
Tub Slut's at the wheel,
And he's holding all the reins!
I'm sitting in the back,
I'm ready to hurl!
Thank God I'm a Hashing Girl!

Well my tent's put up and it's
Lookin' mighty fine!
Access Denied, he's after my behind.
Never seen his dick, it might have a curl!
Thank God I'm a Hashing Girl!

Well I got me my beer,
I got me old condom!
Flirting with the men,
Gonna do some rockin'!
Virgin I'm not, I'm ready to whirl!
Thank God I'm a Hashing Girl!
(NO MUSIC BREAK)

Well I'm running on trail,
Someone yells, "ON ON!"
I'm dashing through the
Meadow and I step on a fawn!
I scream like a banshee,
My nerves unfurled!
Thank God I'm a Hashing Girl!

Make it to the On In and yell,
"Where's the beer!"
Forced to do a down down for
Bungling the deer.
What can I say? I ain't no pearl!
Thank God I'm a Hashing Girl!

Well I got me my beer,
I got me old condom!
Flirting with the men,
Gonna do some rockin'!
Virgin I'm not, I'm ready to whirl!
Thank God I'm a Hashing Girl!
(2 ROUND BREAK)

Well the talent's mighty strong,
Emcee yells, "You're on!"
I torture you buttheads with this
Dippy song.
I gave it a shot, I gave it a twirl!
Thank God I'm a Hashing Girl!

It's getting close to midnight,
And we're naked to our shoes.
Temperature is dropping,
Peckers shrinking out of view
Pour me a beer, I've lost my hue!
Thank God I'm a Hashing Girl!

Well I got me my beer,
I got me old condom!
Flirting with the men,
Gonna do some rockin'!
Virgin I'm not, I'm ready to whirl!
Thank God I'm a Hashing Girl!
(2 ROUND BREAK)

It's early in the morning and my
Head's real sore.
I'm sorry for the men who didn't
Get to score.
Out the tent I stagger,
I'm looking mighty haggard!
Thank God I'm a Hashing Girl!

Well the car's packed up,
Time to say bye-bye.
But it won't be forever so don't
You cry.
HONG KONG IN '97!!
Give the Commies a ride!
(PAUSE)
Thank God I'm a Hashing Girl!

Well I got me my beer,
I got me old condom!
Flirting with the men,
Gonna do some rockin'!
Virgin I'm not, I'm ready to whirl!
Thank God I'm a Hashing Girl!

THE BEER THAT I DRINK AT THE HASH (A DUET)
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Melody - The Flowers that Bloom in the Spring, from The Mikado
With Apologies to William S. Gilbert & Sir Arthur Sullivan
By Flying Booger

HARRIER'S VERSE:
The beer that I drink at the hash, Tra la,
Doth fill me with lust for some ass.
As I merrily drink and I sing, Tra la,
I dream of your fine furry thing, Tra la,
Of a night of hot sex so divine,
Of a night of hot sex so divine.

And that's what I mean when I say that my beer
Doth fill Mister Happy with horny good cheer,
Tra la la la la-a,
Tra la la la la-a,
The beer that I drink at the hash.
Tra la la la la-a,
Tra la la la la-a,
Tra la la la la la!

HARRIETTE'S VERSE:
The beer that you drink at the hash, Tra la,
Prevents you from getting some ass.
You come home a boozy old wimp, Tra la,
Your willy is willing but limp, Tra la,
It's a caricature of a dick.

And that's what I mean when I say, or I sing,
"Oh bugger the beer that shrinks your wee thing."
Tra la la la la-a,
Tra la la la la-a,
Oh bugger your nasty old beer.
Tra la la la la-a,
Tra la la la la-a,
Tra la la la la la!

THREE VISITING HASHERS
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Melody - Mademoiselle from Armentieres
(Take turns leading verses)

Three visiting hashers came over here, parlez-vous,
Three visiting hashers came over here, parlez-vous,
Three visiting hashers came over here,
To fuck our women and drink our beer, inky-dinky, parlez-vous.

They came upon a down-down, etc . . .
Pissed on the fire and drank a round, inky-dinky parlez-vous.

Oh G.M., have you a harriette fair,
With blowjob lips and stringy hair, etc.

Oh yes, but she's too new,
To sleep with stinking hashers like you, etc.

Oh, Grand Master, I'm not too new,
After all, I slept with you, etc.

Yes, that's true, but you're so sweet,
Perhaps you could just suck their feet, etc.

Feet are fine, but I prefer,
That they ride on my mound of fur, etc.

Up the old stairs she was led,
They threw her down upon the bed, etc.

They tied her to the leg of the bed,
And fucked her till her cheeks were red, etc.

Then they took her to the shed,
And fucked her till she was nearly dead, etc.

They took her down a shady lane,
And fucked her back to life again, etc.

They fucked her up, they fucked her down,
They fucked her all around the town, etc.

They fucked her in, they fucked her out,
They fucked her up her water spout, etc.

Three months went by and all was well,
Another month and she began to swell, etc.

Nine months later she gave a grunt,
And a little hasher popped out of her cunt, etc.

The little hasher he grew and grew,
He fucked the Joint Master and On Sec too, etc.
The little hasher he went to hell,
And there he started a hash as well, etc.

TWEET - WHISTLE (A LIBRETTO)
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Melody - Tit-Willow, from The Mikado
With apologies to William S. Gilbert & Sir Arthur Sullivan
By Flying Booger

On a fork in the trail a poor lost half-mind
Blew "Whistle, tweetwhistle, tweetwhistle!"
And I said to him, "Hasher, are you in a bind
Blowing 'Whistle, tweetwhistle, tweetwhistle?'"
"Is it scarceness of powder, dear hasher?" I cried,
"Or a lack of good beer in your thirsty inside?"
With a shake of his poor weary head, he replied,
"Oh, whistle, tweetwhistle, tweetwhistle!"

He followed false trail, till he came to the shore,
Blowing "Whistle, tweetwhistle, tweetwhistle!"
And a cold perspiration came out of his pores,
Oh, whistle, tweetwhistle, tweetwhistle!
He sobbed and he sighed, and an "Are you?" he gave,
Then he plunged himself into the billowing wave,
And an echo arose from his watery grave -
"Oh, whistle, tweetwhistle, tweetwhistle!"

Now I feel just as sure as I'm sure that I blow
Oh, whistle, tweetwhistle, tweetwhistle,
That 'twas lack of true trail that did make him go
"Oh, whistle, tweetwhistle, tweetwhistle!"
And if you refrain from more flour to lay, I
Shall perish as he did, and you will know why,
Though I probably shall not exclaim as I die,
"Oh, whistle, tweetwhistle, tweetwhistle!"

TWELVE DAYS OF INTERHASH
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Melody - Twelve Days of Christmas

On the twelfth day of Interhash,
My true love gave to me:

Twelve twats a'twitching,
Eleven leaping lesbians,
Ten torn testicles,
Nine gnawed off nipples,
Eight aching assholes,
Seven sucking sisters,
Six sixty-niners,
Five pubic hairs!
Four calling girls,
Three French whores,
Two shit house doors,
And a lube job in her fur tree.

Twelve heinous sins,
Eleven hashers drinking,
Ten tits a-swinging,
Nine S. C. B.'s swimming,
Eight whistles blowing,
Seven long B. T.'s,
Six puffs of flour,
Five frosty beers!
Four bimbos walking,
Three hares a-laying,
Two D. O. T.'s,
And a trail with a lot of shiggy.

TWINKIE, TWINKIE, LITTLE HASHER
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Melody - Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
(attributed to Twinkie of the Austin HHH)

Twinkie, twinkie, little Hasher,
Can't you suck a little faster?
Down upon my meat so slow,
Like a whale about to blow,
Twinkie, twinkie, little Hasher,
Can't you suck a little faster?

TWO HASHERS (HARRIETTES)
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Melody - This Old Man
Composed by Flamin' Asshole, Nabob, Porno Pretzle, and Party Hats, Emerald Coast HHH, Florida; contributed by M.I.A.

Two hashers, drove for miles,
From the Emerald Coast to Tybee Isle.

CHORUS # 1:
With a couple of cunts and a cooler full of beer,
How the fuck did we get here?

Two harriettes, drove for miles,
From the Emerald Coast to Tybee Isle.

CHORUS # 2:
With a couple of cocks and a cooler full of beer,
How the fuck did we get here?

Two hashers, in a truck,
One got blown and one got sucked.

Two harriettes, in a truck,
One got banged and the other got fucked.

Two hashers, on the road,
While they drove they lost their load.

Two harriettes, on the road,
While they drove their tits they showed.

Four hashers, stopped to dine,
At mile marker sixty-nine.

CHORUS # 3:
With cunts and cocks and a cooler full of beer,
We fucked and sucked our way to here.

Four hashers, they came late,
Nabob stopped to masturbate.

All you hashers in the crowd,
Hear us now and hear us loud,
When you cum to Intercourse you'd better bring a date,
So you won't have to masturbate!

UNEASY HASHER
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Melody - Uneasy Rider (Charlie Daniels Band)
By Babe Thruster, performed at Hedon '99

I was on 85 headin' to ATL.
Had the A/C on 'cause it was hot as hell.
When all at once my radiator blew its top.
Well, I took a quick exit and drove around a bit.
Didn't know where I was goin' 'cause I couldn't see shit
And this here's what happened when I stopped.

I seen these folks was havin' a camp-out event
And it just so happened that I had my tent
And I figured I'd hang out for a day or two.
Now one thing was abundantly clear
These folks could really drink some beer
So I grabbed me a cup and poured myself a brew.

The first thing I noticed that seemed kinda strange
Was the folks all had these funny names
Like "Beats Me", "Bunny Banger" and "Screw Ewe".
They gave me a flyer and I started readin'
It said "welcome folks to ol' Camp Hedon"
And I wondered just what the hell I had gotten in to.

'Cause they had frozen margaritas and beer galore
They had footprints on everything they wore
That is for the ones that weren't walkin' 'round nude.
They had a big blue curtain they called "The Wall of Shame"
So the neighbors would have just themselves to blame
If their kids got traumatized by what they viewed.

They had co-ed showers with icy cold water
that would shrink your dick down to the size of a quarter
And I never did get all the soap outta my crack.
There was high fat food and nekkid pot scrubbin'
They had videos showin' animal lovin'
Where this woman and her dog performed unspeakable acts.

And while I'm on the subject of unspeakable acts
Their skit night took things to the max.
Yeah, they was all out there pushin' on that envelope.
They did the Full Monty and to my surprise
A triple butt chug by these four nekkid guys.
That really seemed to get Erection Master's goat.

And just when I thought I'd seen the worst of the hash
Up jumped these guys from the Carolina Trash
And they all commenced to settin' their dicks on fire.
Now I wish I could tell ya I weren't participatin'
That I just sat back watchin and waitin'
But if I did, I'd be a dadburned liar.

Cause I hit them kegs five times an hour
And I ran through the woods on a trail of flour
And I played in Shit Happens' question game
And I woke up early every morn
To some asshole out there blowin a horn
And drank bloody Marys to kill the hangover pain.

And I was taken to holler and curse
And I ran nekkid with ol' Head Nurse
And afterwards never did put my clothes back on.
And I blazed though shiggy till I was bleedin'
And ended up in what's called sub-Hedon
Where I sang dirty songs and drank till damn near dawn.

Yeah, there I was breakin all the rules
that Ms. Fletcher had taught me thar in Sunday school
And little did I know there'd be hell to pay.
Now Sunday afternoon weren't too busy
So I staggered over to watch Izzy Dizzy
It's a beer chuggin' game hashers like to play.

And the one team there I really noticed
Was the one lead by this dude called Otis
His team was Gay 2000 without a doubt.
Cause instead of spinnin' round them baseball bats
They were using some guys nekkid ass
And it was somewhere about this time that I passed out.

Now when finally I did come to
You won't believe it but I swear it's true
A pit from Hell opened up thar in that field
And from that pit came laughin' and screamin'
About two dozen hellish demons
They was all butt-nekid and red from head to toe.

Yeah, this here weren't no hallucination
Them demons set out to runnin' and chasin'
They was grabbin folks and castin' 'em into that pit..
Well, I just sat there shocked as I could be
When I noticed a few of 'em lookin' at me
And that's when I decided it was time to go.

I jumped up screamin' and away I went
I figured fuck my stuff and fuck my tent
There was no way in hell that I'd get caught
Jumped into my truck and fled for my life
And I didn't look back like ol' Lots' wife
'cause I knew damn sure I'd turn to a pillar of salt

Now when I think back, you know I'm still amazed
By those crazy fuckers and the hell they raised
And I wonder just what happened to that tent of mine
And I gotta admit I had a damn good time
I wonder of folks' would think I'd lost my mind
If I went back in '99.

WANKY'S BEERS
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Melody - Jingle Bells
Adapted by Flying Booger from "Morgan's Pies"; composed in honor of Wanky Doodle, Aloha HHH's biermeister, December, 1994

Dashing down the trail,
With a cooler full of brew,
This beer tastes like hell,
What can we hashers do?

CHORUS:
Oh, Wanky's beers, Wanky's beers,
Wanky, you're a dick.
When we drink your fucking piss,
It makes us fucking sick.
Oh, Wanky's beers, Wanky's beers,
We told you fucking twice,
When you pack those fucking beers,
You can't forget the ice!

I drank a Wanky brew,
A down-down I did do,
Now I've got that fucking brew
Caked upon my shoe.

The biermobile's arrived,
On-In time is here,
What fun it is to chug and puke,
Our Wanky's putrid beer.

We sing this little song,
We sing it just for you,
Now we think it's only right,
That you should drink one too.

WE GO HASHING
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Melody - Oh, My Darlin' Clementine
Composed by Sodbuster, Copenhagen HHH; written for Copenhagen 100th run

From the distant dawn of mankind,
To the present state of bliss,
Evolution has refined us,
And the proof is simply this:

CHORUS:
We go hashing, we go hashing,
We go hashing once a week,
With the ________ Hashers,
We go bonkers once a week.

Prehistoric treetop monkeys,
Taught us how to jump and fuck,
But they had no hashing spirit,
That we have is our good luck.

Cro-Magnon and other cavemen,
Did not live for very long,
They were just as wild as we are,
But they got the hashing wrong.

In the early Middle Ages,
Nuns and monks had little fun,
They had wine and fornication,
But they lacked a decent run.

Billy Shakespeare wrote a sonnet,
More than twenty pages long,
All about the joys of hashing,
We can do it in a song.

Recent surveys of the country,
Show that only magic will,
Save the nation from perdition,
And we have the saving skill.

Girls and boys and other sexes,
Stand up tall and sing out clear:
We shall never be athletic,
We just do it for the beer.

WE LOVE TO HASH
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Melody - Those Were the Days
by Hazukashii and Davey Crotchit

Headed out on a road trip.
There's a Hash that we can't miss
When we get there, they'll really flip
Step on the gas!

All the beer that we can drink
Man your hash shoes really stink
GM, that was a real-ly shig-gy trail you laid back there

Lots of hills and shiggy too
Followed up by lots of brew
Shortcutters like us were really screwed
We love to hash

WERE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT?
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Melody - Are You Lonesome Tonight?
by Hazukashii, Seoul Southside HHH

Were you lonesome tonight,
Was the hash out of sight,
Are you sorry you strayed from true trail?

Did your throat feel real dry,
Underneath the hot sky,
When you thought of the beer did you wail?

Are the sores on your feet, raw and filled up with puss?
When you gazed down the road, did you pray for a bus?

Are your legs filled with pain,
Will you shortcut again,
Tell me fool, were you lonesome tonight?

WHILE WADING THROUGH SHIGGY
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Melody - On Top of Old Smokey
By Chlorine Will Kill Anything from the So Happy It's Tuesday H3

While wading through shiggy
All covered in muck
I lost the hash trail
Cause you f*ckers suck!

WHINING POEM
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By Teats de Swamp, Carolina Trash HHH

I'm not black
I'm not white
The color of my skin tonight
Is Bleeding Red, with Mud of Brown,
(the hash trail was not laid downtown)
Greenish slime, and ooze of yellow.
(Gispert was a jolly fellow)
I don't care. As you can tell
Down-downs made me drunk as hell
Look to the sky! The full moon is shining
So On!On! into the night AND QUIT YOUR WHINING!

THE WILD HASHER
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Melody - The Wild Rover
Contributed by Stray Dog

I've been a wild Hasher for many a year,
And spent some time chasing the women and beer.
But now I'm returning with an itch and a sore,
I swear I will never be wanking no more.

CHORUS:
And it's no nay never (pause, then clap, clap, clap)
No never no more,
Will I plaaay the wild Hasher,
No neveeer no more.

I went to a whorehouse where I'd often been,
And told to the madame what plight I was in.
She said she was sorry, but what could she say,
In that state of health, I could get me no lay.

I took out my pecker, such source of delight,
For many a girl during many a night.
But the landlady said, "You've just run out of luck,
I won't let you have any girl for a fuck.

I'll return to my parents, confess what I've done,
And ask them to pardon their lost Hashing son.
And if they forgive me, as oft times before,
I swear I will never be wanking no more.

YELLOW IS THE COLOR
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Melody - Yellow is the Color of My True Love's Hair

Yellow is the color of my true love's hair,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm, my true love's hair,
And it's the color of the boils on my bum,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm.

Red is the color of the setting sun,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm, the setting sun,
And it's the color of my foreskin caught in my fly,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm.

Yellow is the color that brings me cheer,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm, that brings me cheer,
And it's the color of the carrots in my beer,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm.

Green is the color of all that grows,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm, of all that grows,
And it's the color of the boogers up my nose,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm.

Brown is the color that makes me dance,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm, that makes me dance,
And it's the color, it's the color of my underpants,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm.

Blue is the color that makes me stop,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm, that makes me stop,
And it's the color of the vein in my pork chop,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm.

White is the color of the winter snows,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm, the winter snows,
And it's the color of the cheese between my toes,
When I'm hashin', ah-humm, when I'm hashin', ah-humm.

YESTERDAY

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Melody - Yesterday
Contributed by ZiPpy, Pike's Peak H4

Yesterday,
All my muscles seemed to feel OK,
Now my body doesn't work today,
Oh I went hashing yesterday.

Muscles ache,
They'd be better if I'd stayed in bed,
Now it feels as if they're made of lead,
Wish I had stayed at home instead.

Why I ran that hash,
Was so rash,
But what the heck?
Now it's clear,
I'm a mere,
Physical wreck.

Bloodshot eyes,
And my tongue is twice its normal size,
It's at times like this I realize,
Hashing isn't all that wise.

Why I drank that beer,
Isn't clear,
It's just a blur.
I don't feel so young,
And my tongue,
Is lined with fur.

Yesterday,
Hashing seemed a healthy game to play,
Now my body is in disarray,
Oh I went hashing yesterday
(mmm-mm-mmm.....)

YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A HASHER
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Melody - You Ain't Nothin' But A Hound Dog
By Twinkie & Lady Fingers, Austin HHH

You ain't nothin' but a Hasher,
A-humpin' all the time,
You ain't nothin' but a Hasher,
A-humpin' all the time.
You ain't never caught a hare,
And you ain't no friend of mine.

When I said you was high class,
Well, that was just a lie,
When I said you was high class,
Well, that was just a lie.
You ain't never caught a hare,
And you ain't no friend of mine.

You ain't nothin' but a Hasher,
A-humpin' all the time,
You ain't nothin' but a Hasher,
A-humpin' all the time.
You ain't never caught a hare,
And you ain't no friend of mine.

YOU ARE MY HASHIT
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Melody - You Are My Sunshine
Performed by LAHHH harriettes at AIH '93, Calgary, Alberta, Canada, September 2, 1993

CHORUS:
You are my hashit, my loving hashit
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know boys how much we love them
Please don't take my hashit away.

The other day boys, while we were hashing
We saw our GM masturbate
We saw two others auto-hashing
And then the beer truck was late.

No need to hurry, no need to worry
They can do hash crimes every day
But we'll never tell on, these other hashers
They might take our hashit away.

It's always hard, and it's always ready
And if you bite it, it won't scream
It will be there in the morning
And if pressed it will wait while I preen.

You don't have to lubricate it
Buy it presents, or give it head
You can tell it, all your secrets
And no one will hear a word that you said.

It's not too drunk and, it's not too tired
It's not too quick and, it feels no pain
And if your toilet, should overflow girls
What good's a dick to unclog a drain!

YOUR HAND WAS MADE TO STROKE MY GLAND
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Melody - This Land is Your Land
Composed by Flamin' Asshole and Nabob, Emerald Coast HHH; contributed by M.I.A.

CHORUS:
This hand is your hand, this gland is my gland,
So rub it slowly, to make my thing stand.
Let's play forever, we'll cum together,
Your hand was made to stroke my gland.

As we were driving, on separate highways,
We heard the faint cries of "On On my way."
With whistles blowing, the beer was flowing,
Your hand was made to stroke my gland.

We showed up Friday and partied hardy,
We fucked till morning, and then we partied.
Played with eachother, and soon discovered,
Your hand was made to stroke my gland.

As we got closer, there was an odor,
It was your pussy, upon my boner.
Your tits were shaking, my balls were breaking,
Your hand was made to stroke my gland.

In Jacksonville we all came together,
Showed tits and asses, despite the weather.
From the Emerald Coasters, to those with odors,
Your hand was made to stroke my gland.

ZIPPY THE RED-NOSED HASHER
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Melody - Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
By Dr D, Ft Eustis HHH

You know Magic and Mullet and Rambo and Mr Spock
Satan and Stray Dog and Mu-Sick and Shuttle Cock,
But do you re-call the most famous Hasher of all . . .

ZiPpy the red-nosed Hasher,
Had a bit too much to drink,
And if you ever saw him.
You would even say he stinks.

All of the other Hashers,
Used to laugh and call him names,
They never let poor ZiPpy,
Join in any orgy games.

Then one night at the InterHash,
The GM came to say,
ZiPpy with your ass so tight,
Won't you let me ride you tonight?

Then all the Hashers loved him,
And they shouted out with glee,
ZiPpy the red-nosed Hasher
You better get checked for HIV!