DOWN-DOWN DITTIES & HASH RITUALS

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Autohash Song
Beery Bunch
Birthday Songs
Blessing of "G"
Blessing of the Hares
Chim Chiminey
Does a Hasher
Down Down Down Your Beer
Drink it Down
Dumb Shit
Farewell Song
Ft Eustis Down-Down Songs
Hash Benediction
Hash House Harriers
Hasher's Prayer
Hash Pledge of Allegiance
Hash Rules
Hashin' Brew
Heineken, Schmeineken
Her Left Tit
Here's to _______ (Basic Down-Down Song)

Here's to Brother Hasher(s)
Here's to the Stud (s)
He's a Born Again Pisstank
He's a Hasher, He's Okay
He's the Meanest (two versions)
He Wanks his Crank
His One-Skin
I Can't Help It If You Came In DFL
Ice The Bitch
If You're A Drunkard
International Hash Hymn
It's a Small Dick
Meet the Hashers
Mister Blue Balls
Naming Ceremony
No Blow Song
Our Lager
Piss Off, Ya Wank
PO My Old Friend
Ring Around the Rosie
Salutations
Short Hymn
Soldier Song
Sound of Hashers
Thank God She Finally Shut Up
There was a Little Bird
They Ought to be Publicly Pissed On
This is Your Down-Down Song
Viagra
Virgin Serenade
Visitor's Song
Wedding Ceremonies
Wedding Song
We're Here Because . . .
We've Got Virgins
What a Wank
Where Were You Last Week?
Why Are We Waiting?
Why Was He Born so Beautiful?
Why was She Born a Bitch?
Yankee Doodle
You are Our ______
Zicky-Zacky (expanded version)
Zulu Warrior



THE AUTOHASH SONG
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Melody - Oh Lord, Won't You Buy Me a Mercedes-Benz
Words by Flying Booger

(International version)
Dear Lord, won't you give me a ride to the beer,
My friends are all drinking, and I'm stuck out here,
I'll ride in a lorry, rickshaw, or tuk tuk,
If you drive me there I'll throw in a down, down, down, down . . .

(USA version)
Dear Lord, won't you give me a ride to the beer,
My friends are all drinking, and I'm stuck out here,
I'll ride in a Chevy, a Ford or a truck,
If you drive me there I'll throw in a down, down, down, down . . .
,br>
THE BEERY BUNCH
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Melody - Brady Bunch Theme Song
By Koresh, Las Vegas HHH

Here's the story,
Of a thirsty hasher,
Who was running at the back of the pack.
Every bad trail that there was,
Well he found it.
He must have ran for miles!

It's the story,
Of some sacred nectar,
That was chilling with a mind of it's own.
It was one beer,
Sitting in the cooler,
Yet it still had no foam.

'Till the circle,
When the hasher met the nectar.
And he knewwww it just couldn't stick around.
That's when his shorts went down around his ankles
And the beer became a down down down down down!

A down down down!
A down down down!
That's the waaaaayyyyyyy it became a down down down!

BIRTHDAY SONGS
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BIRTHDAY SONG # 1
Melody - Happy Birthday to You

Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, you asshole,
Happy birthday, fuck you.
Drink it down, down, down . . .

BIRTHDAY SONG # 2
Melody - Happy Birthday to You

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
You look like a hasher,
And you smell like one too.
Drink it down, down, down . . .

BIRTHDAY SONG # 3
Melody - Here's to _____, He's True Blue
Composed by Flying Booger for Scratch 'n' Sniff's 30th

Here's to (name), she's true blue,
It's her birthday, boo hoo hoo,
She is (age) if she's a day,
Wishes she were younger,
But there's no way!
Drink it down, down, down . . .

BIRTHDAY SONG # 4
Melody - Oliver!
Composed by Bach 'n' Forth, Palm Beach HHH, in honor of Shortcake's 50th;
included here on the off-chance it can be adapted for other hashers' birthdays

You're 50 years old, Shortcakes.
You've finally reached half of a century.
We hope you've got what it takes . . . to stay . . . a-live till you're 51!

Maybe it's time to take some respite from these trashing days; the end of your hashing days is near . . .
Let's hope the Chester the Molester doesn't kill you first with that home-brew shit he calls beer!

You're 50 years old, Shortcakes.
Here's wishing you lots of luck . . .
And hoping that the future holds in store for you . . . 50 more years to fuck!

BIRTHDAY SONG # 5
Melody - The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You
Contributed by ZiPpY

Your day of birth is now upon you,
You're older by one day,
Your day of birth is now upon you,
And now you're gonna pay,
The Hash is gonna lay it on you,
You dirty bastard (bitchin') hound,
Your day of birth is now upon you,
Drink it down, down down down down

BIRTHDAY SONG # 6
Melody - Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-Te-Aay
Contributed by Nose Candy

This is your birthday song,
It isn't very long. . . .

BLESSING OF "G"

Optional prayer offered by the religious advisor before the hash, from Shuttle Cock of the Houston HHH . . . should be performed in the style of a Catholic/Episcopal dismissal

RA: The buzz which passes all understanding,
Keep your hearts and minds in the knowledge and love of hashing,
And the Blessing of "G" all plastered:
The Flour (make first slash of "X" in the air)
The Sun (complete the "X" in the air)
And the Short Cut that pays off (make circle around "X" in the air)
Be among you and remain with you always.
Go Forth to Love and Serve the Hash.

Pack: Thanks be to "G!"

BLESSING OF THE HARES
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Optional prayer offered by the religious advisor before the hash, with local embellishments. This version is from the Tampa HHH

Bless these hares,
Bless this trail,
Coppus no catch us,
Farmer no shoot us,
Doggus no bite us,
Heatus no stroke us,
Plenty of cold beer to drink,
Coitus non interruptus.

CHIM CHIMINEY
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Melody - From the Mary Poppins Song
Contributed by Panty Free from the SF Bay Area Hashes

Late one evening, out by the pond
My fairy Godmother went nuts with her wand
She fucked up the words, she was half in the bag
Now the pumpkin’s a sumo who dresses in drag.
Chim Chiminey Chim Chiminey Chim Chim Churee
I’ve got the balls of a rhino, the dick of a flea
Chim Chiminey, Chim Chiminey, Chim Chim Churoo
I can see by your face that she fucked you up too.
I may not have much, but it’s enough to fuck you…….

DOES A HASHER?
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Melody - Do Your Balls Hang Low?

Does a hasher like to walk,
Does a hasher like to run,
Does a hasher like to be where they're having all the fun?
Can he drink a 12-ounce beer,
While his friends all sing and cheer,
Now your time has come.
So drink it down, down, down . . .

DOWN, DOWN, DOWN YOUR BEER
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Melody - Row, Row, Row your Boat
Attributed to Splat from the East Bay Hashers

Down Down Down your beer,
To pay for your crime.
Quit complaining about the taste,
There's no sperm this time.

DRINK IT DOWN
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Melody - Underdog Theme
By Hazukashii
Note: SM=Song Meister, P=Pack

(SM) There's no need to fear,
(P) WE'VE GOT LOTS OF BEER!
Oooh, ahhh ooh, ahhh ooh, ahhh ooh, ahhh ooh, ahhh ooh,

When visitors at this hash appear,
and pay five bucks to drink our beer,
and offend all those who see or hear,
the cries go up both far and near to:
(SM) Drink it Down, (P) Drink it Down,
(SM) Drink it Down, (P) Drink it Down.

Speed of lightening, roar of thunder,
Chug it down or show us chunder,
Drink it Down, Drink it Down.
Oooh, ahhh ooh, ahhh ooh, ahhh ooh, ahhh ooh, ahhh ooh,

When in this world the hash trash reads,
of those who think they've come to breed,
and visitors steal from those who need,
to right this wrong with blinding speed they'll:

(SM) Drink it Down, (P) Drink it Down,
(SM) Drink it Down, (P) Drink it Down.

Speed of lightening, roar of thunder,
Chug it down or show us chunder,
Drink it Down, Drink it Down, DRINK IT DOWN!

DUMB SHIT
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Melody - Refrain from Music Man
By Black Flag, Aloha HHH, Hawaii (good song for violators)

Dumb, dumb, dumb shit,
Dumb shit, dumb shit,
Dumb, dumb, dumb shit,
Dumb, dumb, dumb . . .

FAREWELL SONG
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Melody - Auld Lang Syne

Version 1
Composed by Flying Booger in December 1994, on the departure of Down, Under, and family, included here because it's simple and can easily be changed to fit the names of your own departing hashers

Here's to Down and Under,
And Slinky, and Blue Hawaii,
Who leave us for Australia,
We'll miss you very much.
Drink it down, down, down . . .

Version2

We bid farewell to ______,
To hash in other lands,
We bid farewell to ______,
To hash in other lands.
May all your trails end with beer,
And all your songs have cheer,
We bid farewell to ______,
Now here is one more beer.

Drinking down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down,
Down-down, down, down, down, down, down,
Down, down, down, down.
Down, down, down, down,
Down-down, down, down, down, down, down.

Version 3

Piss off, ya wank,
Piss off, ya wank,
Piss off, ya wank,
Piss off!
Piss off, ya wank,
Piss off, ya wank,
Piss off, ya wank,
Piss off!

FT. EUSTIS DOWN-DOWN SONGS
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Melody - ???
From the Ft. Eustis HHH Songbook

TO VIOLATORS:
All: You worthless, sniveling piece of trash,
Now you've gone and shown your ass!
GM: Your behavior's unfit!
You must learn hash tradition!
All: So charge your vessel and assume the position:
On your knees, asshole!
Drink it down, down, down . . .

TO THE SLOW DRINKER:
All this time that you're taking,
I know that you're faking,
We could be masturbating,
I fear.
Now we've run out of song,
And we won't get along,
Until you finish,
That fucking beer!

HASH BENEDICTION
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By P'Tooey, Calgary HHH
Gispert guide us on this hash,
As along the trail we dash,
Guide our feet on ice and snow,
As to the drinkstop we will go,
Let the moon so brightly shine,
Leading us to beer so fine.

HASH HOUSE HARRIERS
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Melody - The Addams Family

Their drinking is compulsive and
Their running is convulsive,
They're morally repulsive,
The Hash House Harriers.

CHORUS:
Da da da da (snap fingers twice)
Da da da da (snap fingers twice)
Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da

Their flatulence is rude and
Their genitals protrude when
They're running in the nude in
The Hash House Harriers.

They're always shiggy tracking
From constantly bush-whacking,
Intelligence they're lacking,
The Hash House Harriers.

Da da da da, Down Down, etc . . .

HASHER'S PRAYER
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From the Global Trash Hash Bible, by Stray Dog

God bless Gispert, hallowed be his name. His hash be laid on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily Beer. And forgive us our Ah-Shits, as we also forgive those who pissed us off. And lead us not unto temptation to Short-Cut; but deliver us to the On-In. For the beer is cold, and the Pack is thirsty for ever and ever, Amen.

HASH PLEDGE OF ALLIEGANCE
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By SS Minnow, Buffalo HHH

I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the (insert your hash here) hash house harriers.
And to the debauchery, for which it stands, one hash, without rules, incorrigible, with shiggy, and beer, for all.

HASH RULES
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From the Adelaide HHH, South Australia, contributed by Jon Raeburn

1. No poofters.
2. There is no rule 2.
3. See rule 1. No poofters.
4. No stealing (see hereunder - definition of stealing):
Stealing - the covert removal of another Hashman's property with the intention of depriving said Hashman of such property for an indefinite period of time.
5. No stealing, but borrowing is okay (see hereunder the definition of borrowing):
Borrowing is the act of covert temporary removal of another Hashman's property
(property in this instance is confined to items of a portable nature and directly related to hashing such as mugs, bugles and run books). Substantial items such as kegs whilst being directly related to hashing should never be borrowed. At all times the property borrowed is held for a relatively short period of time and always returned in good order. Often such property is enhanced by suitable engraving to record for posterity the guile of the borrower. Borrowing is a complex issue and where any doubt exists the Grand
Master should be consulted.
6. No poofters.
7. Rain is not permitted during Hash runs. The Religious Advisor is personally responsible for ensuring that fine conditions prevail for a period of not less than one hour each Monday from 6.00 pm.
8. No poofters.
9. No discrimination. Wogs, abos, poms, unemployed, dogs, women, criminals, disabled, nymphomaniacs, Collingwood supporters and even lawyers are all encouraged to run Hash. Alcoholics are particularly welcome. Athletes are tolerated in some Hashes. Athletes, dogs and females whilst permitted to run can never aspire to become Grand Master.
10. Definitely no poofters.
11. No competitiveness.
12. Under no circumstances are poofters permitted to run Hash.
13. No training. Persons caught training will be deemed to have breached Rule # 11 and will be liable to a charge. A range of activities may be interpreted as training, and for guidance the following non-exhaustive list is provided:
a) running other than official Hash runs
b) cycling (fornication on a push bike is exempt)
c) visiting a gymnasium for any other purpose than perving on the aerobics class
d) using the stairs while escalators are available
e) rooting the wife/girlfriend when so pissed it is a marathon effort
14. All Hashmen must commit to memory rules 1, 2 and 3 and be able to recite them at any hour of the day or night regardless of their state of inebriation.
15. Poofterism will not be fucking tolerated under any conditions.
16. No fighting at Hash. This rule is absolute and the entire culture of Hash relies on strict adherence to this rule. If a fellow Hashman causes you immense displeasure by stealing your car or impregnating your daughter (wives are exempt) then belt shit out of him at some other place than Hash and on some other day than Monday which is a day of reverence and tranquillity.
17. Poofters will be shot on sight. No poofters.
18. Other rules may be enacted by the committee as they see fit.
19. Amendments to Rules 1, 3, 6, 8, 10, 12, 15 and 17 are illegal.
Note: Bestiality is not covered in these Rules due to the proliferation of New Zealand Hashes. Whilst ovine relationships are discouraged in Australia, subject to certain rules it will be tolerated:
a) the fucker must be of NZ birth or citizenship
b) the fuckee must be a ewe (no poofters!)
c) the fuckee must be a consenting adult
d) the fuckee must be reasonably attractive
As this item is not incorporated in Hash rules, all behaviour covered by the above note is subject to determination by the Grand Master.
HASHIN' BREW
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Melody - That Good Old Mountain Dew
By Seldom Cumz

They call it that good ole' hashin' brew, brew, brew,
And them that refuse it are few,
You'll hush up yur mug,
When you down-down yur jug,
Of that good ole' hashin' brew.

Chug it down, down, down . . .

HEINEKEN, SCHMEINEKEN
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Chant

Heineken, schmeineken,
Fuck that shit!
Pabst . . . Blue . . . Ribbon!

HER LEFT TIT
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Melody - My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean
Written by INOSHIT of Waukesha H3, for Tuna Delight, Formerly Head Bimbo - Waukesha H3

Her left tit hangs down to her belly,
Her right tit hangs down to her knee.
If her left tit did equal her right tit,
She'd get lots of weenie from me.
Drink it down, down, down . . .

HERE'S TO ________ (BASIC DOWN-DOWN SONG)
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Melody - Itself

VERSION # 1
Here's to ,
He's true blue, (he's a blue)
He's a Hasher,
Through and through,
He's a pisspot, (he's an asshole)
So they say,
Tried to go to heaven, (he'll never get to heaven)
But he went the other way, (in a long, long way)
So drink it down, down, down . . .

VERSION # 2
Here's to ,
She's a damn fine gal,
Here's to ,
She's a damn fine gal,
So drink, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug,
chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug,
Here's to ,
She's a horse's ass.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, etc . . .

HERE'S TO BROTHER HASHER(S)
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Melody - Ach, Du Lieber Augustin
Contributed by ZiPpy, Pike's Peak H4

Here's to brother (sister) hasher,
Bother hasher, brother hasher,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

He's happy, he's jolly,
He's fucked up by golly,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

So drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

HERE'S TO THE STUD(S)
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Melody - For He's a Jolly Good Fellow (sort of)
By S&M&M&M&M Man, Cleveland HHH, Ohio

Here's to the studs, the studs, the studs.
Here's to the studs who are with us tonight.

They eat it,
They beat it.
They really
Mistreat it.

Here's to the studs who are with us tonight.

So down chug-a-luga, down chug-a-lug-a . . .

(alternate version)

Here's to the studs, the studs, the studs.

Here's to the studs who are with us tonight.

They're faggots,
They're maggots.
When they suck it
They gag it.

Here's to the studs, who are with us tonight.

So down chug-a-lug-a, down chug-a-lug-a . . .

HE'S A BORN AGAIN PISSTANK
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Melody - Unknown
Contributed by Mike "SmallBone" Featherston

He's a Born again pisstank cause he's seen the light
Of the big neon sing that spells pub.
His prayers have been answered
His cup runneth over
As if he had heard from above.

It'll seem like an angel will piss on his tonsils
Or that horny young barmaid herself
His life's been made different
He's a born again pisstank
And the rest can all go to Hell!

Drink it down down down down. . . .

HE'S A HASHER, HE'S OKAY
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Melody - Lumberjack Song

He's a hasher, he's okay,
Works all day, comes out to play,
Drinks it down without complaint,
Or he wears it well.
Drink it!
Wear it!
Drink it!
Wear it!
etc . . .

HE'S THE MEANEST
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Melody - Itself (similar to Okinawa HHH melody)

He's the meanest,
He sucks the horse's penis,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.

All he does is pound it,
Ever since he found it,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.

He's always pissing on us,
He's rotten and dishonest,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.

So drink it down, down, down . . .

(and a variation)

She's superior,
She's got class,
She's superior,
She's a horse's ass.

Drink it down, down, down . . .

HE WANKS HIS CRANK
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Melody - Itself
By Mud Fucker, Bay City HHH
,br> He wanks his crank in the morning
He wanks his crank in the night
He wanks his crank with his left hand
and he cleans it up with his right.

So drink it down, down, down . . .

HIS ONE-SKIN
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Melody - My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

His one skin hangs down to his two skin,
His two skin hangs down to his three,
His three skin hangs down to his foreskin,
His foreskin hangs down to his knee.
Drink it down, down, down . . .

OPTIONAL VERSES:
Roll back, roll back,
Roll back his foreskin for him, for him.
Roll back, roll back,
Please roll back his foreskin for him.

His body lies over the ocean,
His body lies over the sea,
His father lies over his mother,
And that's how they created him.

I CAN'T HELP IT IF YOU CAME IN DFL
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Melody - "I Can't Help It If I'm Sitll In Love With You" (Hank Williams)
By Red Foreskin of the eATMe H3

Today I passed you on the trail,
You were looking weak and pale,
I can’t help it if you came in DFL.

I think I saw you once again,
You said ‘Go Ahead, I’m going to zen!’
Maybe that was why you came in DFL.

I know you thought you’d find the end before us,
Drink all the beer and laugh as we came in.
And so you took a shortcut through the forest,
How’s it feel to be the DFL, again?

ICE THE BITCH
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Melody - Do, Re, Mi
By Long & Hard (aka Hardly Long), inspired by ZiPpY, dedicated to She Mussel Bitch

Ice the bitch, She Mussel Bitch,
Numb, the price you have to pay,
Sit, right there and down that beer,
Yes, you pissed off the R.A.
Damn, your ass is getting red,
And, your lips are turning blue,
Place, that mug above your head,
And prove you downed that brew.

GENERIC HARRIETTE VERSION:
Ice the bitch, yes ice the bitch . . .
(same as above)

GENERIC HARRIER VERSION:
Ice the wank, yes ice the wank . . .
(same as above)

IF YOU'RE A DRUNKARD
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Melody - If You're Happy And You Know It
Attributed to Splat of the East Bay Hashers

If you're a drunkard and you know it, raise your glass!
If you're a drunkard and you know it, raise your glass!
If you're a drunkard and you know it,
(slurred)Then your slurring will surely show it.
If you're a drunkard and you know it, raise your glass!

INTERNATIONAL HASH HYMN
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Melody - Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
Note: gestures accompany words

I looked over Jordan and what did I see,
Coming for to carry me home,
A band of angels coming after me,
Coming for to carry me home.

CHORUS:
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home.

I'm sometimes up and sometimes down,
Comin' for to carry me home,
But still my soul feels heavenly bound.
Comin' for to carry me home.

If you get there before I do,
Coming for to carry me home,
Tell all my friends that I'm coming too,
Coming for to carry me home.
(repeat with variations: humming and motions only, silence and motions only, double-time)

IT'S A SMALL DICK
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Melody - It's a Small World

Well it isn't long and it isn't thick,
It gets hard too slow and it cums too quick,
It gers lost in her twat,
But it's all that he's got,
It's a small, small, dick.

It's a small dick after all,
It's a small dick after all,
Always limp from alcohol,
It's a small, small, dick!

MEET THE HASHERS
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Melody - Flintstones Theme

Hashers, meet the hashers,
They're the biggest drunks in history,
From Las Vegas, N-V (or your favorite town),
They're the leaders in debauchery.
Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years,
Watch them as they down a lot of beers,
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down down,
Down down, down down down down,
Down down down down down down down down down.

MISTER BLUE BALLS
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Melody - Zip-a-dee-do-dah
By Yank My Wad, Charleston HHH (a good song for calling the hares to the ice)

Zip-a-dee-do-dah, zip-a-dee-day,
My oh my, what a miserable lay.
Haring is great but, beerings the best,
Time for your down-down, put the ice on the chest.

Slap your ass cheeks 'round that ice hole, it's a fact, it's irrefutable, it's cold right on your pubicals.

Zip-a-dee-do-dah, zip-a-dee-day,
Down-downs are better than your miserable lay.

Mr. Blue Balls formed an icicle
He's all cold and furry too, better find something to screw

Oh zip-a-dee-do-dah, zip-a-dee-day,
Hope you like ice, 'cause that's where you'll stay.

NAMING CEREMONY
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Contributed by Stray Dog

RA: Prostrate yourself before your fellow hashers.
(Hasher kneels or lies prostrate on the ground in accordance with local custom, with assistance from mismanagement as necessary)
RA: Before you are initiated into the fold and bestowed the holy Hash Name, what have you to say for yourself.
Hasher: I'm not worthy.
RA: (reads verses)
1. In the beginning was the Hash, and the Hash was with Beer and the Hash was Beer.
2. The same was in the beginning with Gispert.
3. The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Hash, that all men through him might believe.
4. And when he was baptized, went straight up and received the Down-Down.
5. And lo a voice from heaven, saying, this is my beloved hasher in whom I am well pleased.
6. Not by the works of righteousness we have done, but according to the mercy of the Pack are you saved, by washing of regeneration, and renewing of the holy Thirst.
7. Therefore if any person be in the Hash, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things become new.
8. Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed as a competitor, but alive as a member of the Pack, to boldly go forth on the trail and pursue the Holy Hash Beer.
(RA grasps the bag of hash and sprinkles it on the Hasher)
RA: I baptize you in the name of Gispert and all other great hashers who came before you.
(RA sprinkles beer on the Hasher)
RA: Your friends have gotten together and chosen your name and you will hereafter be known as ____________.
(As local tradition dictates, the rest of the pack may be issued flour and beer to further 'baptize' the hasher)
RA: Rise and cleanse thy soul.
(The hasher is handed a beer and does a down-down in accordance with the traditions of the hash)

NO BLOW SONG

Melody - Looney Tunes Theme
Composed by Flying Booger
Used for honoring hashers who have forgotten their whistles

You seem somewhat forgetful,
Remind you? Maybe this'll,
Next time you come, don't be so dumb,
Just bring your fucking whistle!

OUR LAGER
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Prayer

Our Lager
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the Beer, The Bitter, and the Lager,
Barmen.

PISS OFF, YA WANK
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Melody - Auld Lang Syne

Piss off, ya wank, piss off, ya wank,
Piss off, ya wank, piss off,
Piss off, ya wank, piss off, ya wank,
Piss off, ya wank, piss off.

PO MY OLD FRIEND
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Melody - Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel
Attributed to Splat, an East Bay Hasher
Note: If you don't know what PO is, replace the first line with 'Hello Poison Oak, my friend,'

Hello PO my old friend,
I've got you on my crotch again.
Well, you know you make my asshole itch.
These oozing sores are such a bitch.
And the words of the doctor chilled my bones:
"Prednisone."
Drink it down
You asshole(s)!

RING AROUND THE ROSIE
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Melody - Ring Around the Rosie
Contributed by Orchid Gina of the Big Heads H3 in SD
NOTE FROM ORCHID: This one was most interesting as we sang while skipping around the "culprits" after our red dress event.  (Also it's short enough for most drunks to remember.)

Ring around the rosie;
A pocket full of posies;
You fucked-up;
You fucked-up;
Now drink it down!

SALUTATIONS
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Chant

We call upon __________
To give us a song.
So sing, you fucker, sing!
And if you don't sing
You can show us your schwing.
We don't want to see your moldy old schwing!
So sing, you fucker, SING!

SHORT HYMN
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Melody - Amen

(with reverence)
Hymn, hymn, (Her, her,)
Fuck him . . . (Fuck her . . .)

SOLDIER SONG
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Melody - Itself

Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be,
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee,
For cunt, for cunt, to fight for my country,
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,
A soldier I will be.

Drink it down, down, down . . .

The following version and commentary came from Uncle Yap

Arsehole arsehole a soldier would I be
Fuck you, fuck you for curiosity
I fight for my cunt, I fight for my cunt
I fight for my country
With a piss, with a piss
With a pistol on my knee
Our soldiers went to war, our soldiers fighting
Our soldiers shaft the bayonet, in the enemy's arsehole
Arsehole arsehole a soldier would I be
Fuck you, ...........
.....(and it goes round and round)

This is a song which originated from Malaysia, home of the Hash
It started as a tribute to the Territorial Army, which evolved from
the Home Guard (neighbourhood watch started during WWII in Britain)

SOUND OF HASHERS
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Melody - Do, Re, Mi

Give (name) a beer, a really big beer,
We will watch him drink it down.
Girls, you know if he drinks it all,
He will never get it up.
Oh, the stories sad to tell,
It picked up and then it fell.
You would die if you could see,
(name), slap his tiny wee-wee.

THANK GOD SHE FINALLY SHUT UP
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Melody - Looney Tunes

Thank God she finally shut up,
She's always fuckin' bitchin',
Now drink yer beer, get out of here,
Get back into the kitchen!

THERE WAS A LITTLE BIRD
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Melody - Itself

There was a little bird,
No bigger than a turd,
A-sittin' on a telephone pole.
He ruffled up his neck,
And shit about a peck,
He puckered up his little asshole.
(point at violators): Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,
He puckered up his little asshole.

THEY OUGHT TO BE PUBLICLY PISSED ON
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Melody - My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

They ought to be publicly pissed on,
They ought to be publicly shot,
They ought to be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot,
Drink it down, down, down . . .

THIS IS YOUR DOWN-DOWN SONG
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Melody - Ta-Rah-Rah-Boom Te-Aay
Contributed by Nose Candy

This is your Down-Down song,
It isn't very long. . . .

VIAGRA
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Melody - Doe, a Deer
Contributed by Slimie Limie, Kobe HHH, Japan

Give ______ some pills, the famous 'V',
We will watch him eat 'em down.
Boys, you know if he takes them all,
Tonight he'll never get to sleep.
Oh, the story fun to tell,
How, it rose and never fell.
Girls, you'd laugh if you could see,
______ beat his rock-hard wee-wee wee wee wee wee wee.
Drink it down down down down.

VIRGIN SERENADE
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Melody - Ball of Ballyknure
Composed by Dr D, Ft Eustis HHH

Four and twenty (or however many there are) virgins,
Came out to this old hash,
And when the hash was over,
There were four and twenty less.

CHORUS:
Singing, balls to your partner,
Arse against the wall.
If ye canna get laid at this old hash
Ye'll never get laid at all.

OPTIONAL VERSES:
This fine young virgin SHE was there,
She had drank a bit too much,
Showing us her titties,
But sayin' we couldna touch.

This cocky virgin HE was there,
Drinking Old Milwaukee's Best,
Showing the girls his tiny dick,
The girls they weren't impressed.

This other virgin SHE was there,
Talkin' 'bout givin' head,
But when it came to swallowin',
She would spit instead.

This other virgin HE was there,
Askin' 'bout toe sucks,
The harriettes frowned and then they said,
"What do you want for three bucks?"

The other virgin SHE was there,
Givin' us all a great view,
While dancing on the table,
She said she'd do the crew.

This other virgin HE was there,
Getting drunk as he could be,
And by the time the circle broke up,
He'd pissed a gallon of pee.

This fine young virgin SHE was there,
With legs all firm and tan,
Her shorts rode up her ass so tight,
They squeaked whenever she ran.

VISITOR'S SONG
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Melody - Underdog Theme
By Hazukashii

SONGMASTER:
There's no need to fear!

PACK:
We've got lots of beer!

When visitors in this hash appear,
And pay five bucks to drink our beer,
And offend all those who see or hear,
The cry goes out both far and near to,
DRINK IT DOWN
Drink it down
DRINK IT DOWN
Drink it down,
Speed of lightening, roar of thunder,
Chug it down, or show us Chunder,
Drink it down. . . . .

OPTIONAL SECOND VERSE:
When in this world the Hash Trash reads,
Of those who think they've come to breed,
And steal hash things from those who need,
The call goes out with blinding speed to,
DRINK IT DOWN,
Drink it down,
DRINK IT DOWN,
Drink it down,
Speed of lightening, roar of thunder,
Chug it down, or show us Chunder,
Drink it down. . . . .

WEDDING CEREMONIES
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WEDDING CEREMONY # 1
Contributed by Stray Dog, Global Trash
1. Dearly intoxicated, we are gathered here in the presence of the Pack to join this hasher and this harriette in holy mattress monkey.
2. Attesting to their dreary and lonely lives, they have now resolved to end each future hash by going home and getting lucky every time without need for self-gratification or technology.
3. We come to celebrate the end of their wanking ways and to cheer in the joy of sex outside masturbation.
4. (insert hasher's name), do you take this harriette for better or for worse, on the rag and in health, on bad hair days and good, to have and to hash with until death do you part?
(Hasher answers) "I do"
5. (insert harriette's name), do you take this hasher for better or for worse, in vomit and in shiggy, with his farts and his smell, to have and to hash with until death do you part?
(Harriette answers) "I do"
6. Please raise your beers and repeat after me. With this beer, I thee wed.
(Both) "With this beer, I thee wed."
(RA leads pack in a down-down song of his choosing or local tradition and the bride and groom drink at the appropriate time, after which . . .)
7. I now pronounce you hasher and harriette, doomed to spend the rest of your lives running the hash together. May you go forth and multiply, bearing many new little horrors to fill our trails.
8. You may now moon the pack.
(The pack showers them with spewed beer and hash as local tradition dictates.)

WEDDING CEREMONY # 2
Contributed by Cold Cuts & Slave to the Mattress, Ft Eustis HHH

Dearly incarcerated, we are gathered here today to celebrate the bondage between Slave to the Mattress and Cold Cuts. This day signifies the end of the ability to come and go as you please, of freely ogling members of the opposite sex, of innocently flirting without repercussion, and of making that monumental decision, "Should I go to the hash?" without first wondering what your cellmate, I mean soul mate, already has planned.
Is there anyone present knowing of any reason why we should not consider Slave and Cold Cuts permanently sentenced to life in holly mattress moaning?
Cold Cuts, do you take Slave to the Mattress to be your hashing partner until the beer runs out?
And Slave, do you take Cold Cuts, to be your sole provider of vaginal stimulation until impotence sets in?
Cold Cuts, repeat after me: I, Cold Cuts, promise to be sexually satisfying, to be submissive or dominant at Slave's request, and to give adequate notification before farting in the bed.
Slave, repeat after me: I, Slave to the Mattress, promise to tell Cold Cuts to go to hell when he asks me to obey , to be understanding of his addiction with the hash, and to learn that velvet tongue technique as soon as possible.
May I have the handcuffs? These handcuffs are a symbol of Cold Cut's and Slave's sentence to life. A life of never ending trails of shiggy and whining hashers and twisted ankles and explaining to civilians what hashing is and separating hash socks from white socks and most importantly, beer and down-downs.
Please handcuff the couple.
A note for the fools! (song) Drink it down, down, down, etc . . .
By the power invested to me by the State of Drunkenness, I now mispronounce you harrier and harriette. You may tongue the bitch. Mazeltof!

WEDDING CEREMONY # 3
Contributed by Spinal Tap, White House HHHH

Dearly Besotted,
We've cum here (cum, who said cum, I'll have some of that) today to do a whole lot of drinking, partying, and making asses of ourselves. As part of the last activity, two of our favorite people have asked to be joined in unholy mattress monkey in front of their friends and co-degenerates. As one of the senior members of the DC area Hashing community (not counting DCH3, of course), I have willingly volunteered to make this ceremony as meaningless as possible.
I am being disably assisted today by my chorus of "AMEN" sayers. Please feel free to join in at the appropriate (or inappropriate, for that matter) times. AMEN!! (The chorus consisted of 8 people in choir robes, which I had purchased at a local thrift shop for about $2 each, just in case we might need them sometime)
(I read the new 'prayer' here..."Our beer, which art in barrels, etc")
As we come into this world unclothed, and without sin or shame, it is my firm belief that every important occasion in life should be celebrated in the same fashion. Let's face it...all of us have had very important occasions in life where clothing was totally irrelevant and unwanted. AMEN!! Therefore, will the happy couple please come forward and remove all your clothing? (You don't really have to, but I thought I'd give it a try). (Actually, the groom started to, but we stopped him before it got ugly)
(remove ice bag from cooler, place on top.)
Please be seated. AMEN!!
Please state your names and who made you cum. OOPS - that's for virgins, so you definitely don't have to do that. AMEN!!
The lucky [groom]. AMEN!! The not-quite-so-lucky AMEN!! Harriette is [bride].. AMEN!!
As I understand it, [bride] found [groom] lying in a muddy gutter after a normal Hash run and took pity on him. Unfortunately there was a water shortage at the time, so in order to clean off the mud she performed a 'golden shower' on his filthy body. He knew then that this was the woman for him AMEN!! After all, a woman whose piss tastes like Milwaukee's Best Light doesn't cum along every day AMEN!!
Although they realize that this joining together means the end of freely groping members of the opposite sex (ogling and leering are still OK), they have resolved to end each future Hash by going home together and getting lucky. AMEN!! AMEN!!
At this time I would like to quote from a book dealing with the pure love a man and woman can have for each other. Insert a reading from some book or other here (something you find in a little storefront shop, with painted over windows). Finish with AMEN!! AMEN!!
[groom] do you take [bride]. to be your wedded bimbo, for better or worse, on the rag or available, on bad hair days and good, through shiggy and pavement, at least until the rabbit dies? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!) And do you also promise to be always sexually satisfying, whether dominant or submissive? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!) And do you also promise to be understanding and supportive of all her whims, unless they interfere with Hashing? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!)
[bride]. do you take [groom] to be your wedded stud muffin, for better or worse, whether clean or covered with shiggy, at least until he starts to need Viagra? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!) And do you promise to be patient and give him all the help he needs to achieve tumescence (that's a hard-on, for you illiterates), even when it's frozen from sitting on the ice? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!) And do you promise to aid and abet his Hashing activities, and to provide bail money when necessary? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!) And do you promise to not bring home any blue dresses with cum stains on them? (Pause for "I do", and AMEN!!)
[groom] repeat after me. I, [groom], (groom repeats words) ... promise to love and lust after [bride]. ...through good trails and bad...through deserts and swamps...on or off the ice...in tents or in motel rooms...until she can't stand me any more. AMEN!!
[bride], repeat after me. I, [bride].,...promise to treat [groom] as well as I treat my dog...to welcome penetration at any time or in any place...to keep my teeth smooth...to spit discreetly...and to ensure there is always beer in the refrigerator... until someone better comes along. AMEN!!
The happy couple has requested a double ring ceremony...may I have the rings, please (cheap plastic handcuffs)? These rings are a symbol of the union of [groom] and [bride]. These rings are round, and remind them to do a lot of running around in circles, particularly on trail. As these rings join their bodies together, so does this ceremony join their souls together (not to mention heels and ankles). AMEN!!
May we have a beer for the lucky twosome? (Sing "Why Were They Born")
By the power invested in me by the [think of something, like the name of the appropriate Hash], I now pronounce you Hasher and Bimbo. You may tongue each other if you so desire. AMEN!!
You may now rise. Hashers and Harriettes, please form an aisle of honor for our happy couple. (pause...I and the AMEN chorus, get at the front of the aisle). Long and Chiquita, please honor us by proceeding down this aisle. Hashers and Harriettes, do as I do.
Form an honor guard of beer spewers. As they pass, spew beer (lightly) over them.

WEDDING CEREMONY # 4
Contributed by Slimie Limie, Kobe HHH, Japan

Dearly intoxicated, we are gathered here in the presence of the Pack to bond this hasher and this harriette in unholy mattress moaning.
RoxxOff, do you take this harriette for better or for worse, on the rag and in health, on bad hair days and good, to have and to hash with until the sake runs out?
(Hasher answers) "I do"
Sweet PeeCock, do you take this hasher for better or for worse, in vomit and in shiggy, with his farts and sake-breath, to have and to hash with until he can't get it up any more?
(Harriette answers) "I do"
Please raise your wine coolers and repeat after me. With this whine, I thee wed.
(Both) "With this whine, I thee wed."
Let's cut the crap and jump into bed.
(Both) "Let's cut the crap and jump into bed."
By the power invested to me by the State of Drunkenness, I now mispronounce you slave and master.
A note for the bonded! (song) Here's to the bonded,... etc. etc.
You may now moon the pack.

WEDDING SONG
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Melody - Amazing Grace
Written by Sauer Krotch for the Orlando Hash wedding of Wild Oats and Oatmeal; should be adaptable for others

Today we wed to (name) to (name),
We heard them say "I do."
Give it your best, for the next forty years,
But first drink down your beers.

WE'RE HERE BECAUSE . . .
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Melody - Auld Lang Syne

We're here because we're here,
Because we're here,
Because we're here,
We're here because we're here,
Because we're here,
Because we're here . . .

WE'VE GOT VIRGINS
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Melody - Frere Jacques
By Mud Fucker and Greatful Head, Bay City HHH

We've got virgins,
We've got virgins,
At our hash,
At our hash,
Gonna get'em drunked up,
Gonna get'em fucked up,
Down the hatch,
Up the ass,

So drink it down, down, down . . .
WHAT A WANK
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Melody - William Tell Overture

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, wank, wank.

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank wank.
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, wank, wank . . .

WHERE WERE YOU LAST WEEK?
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Melody - Where Oh Where Were You Last Night (from Hee Haw)
by Preparation H, Ft Eustis HHH

Where, Oh Where were you last week?
Why did you make us hash all alone?

You Fat Lazy Bastards, You weren't even here.
So we fucked all the virgins and drank all the Beer.

Down, Down, Drink it all Down
Drink it all Down, Drink all of that Beer

You Fat Lazy Bastards, You weren't even here.
So we fucked all the virgins and drank all the Beer.

Drink it down, down, down, down . . .

WHY ARE WE WAITING?
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Melody - Come Let Us Adore Him

Why are we waiting,
Could be fornicating (masturbating, etc),
Oh, why are we waiting,
So fucking long, etc . . .

WHY WAS HE BORN SO BEAUTIFUL?
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Melody - Itself

Why was he born so beautiful?
Why was he born at all?
He's no fuckin' use to anyone,
He's no bloody use at all.

They say he's a joy to his mother,
But he's a pain in the asshole to me,

He's fresh as a daisy,
He drives me crazy,

So drink it down, down, down . . .

WHY WAS SHE BORN A BITCH?
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Melody - 1st verse: Itself
2nd verse: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

Why was she born so beautiful?
Why was she born a bitch?
She's no bloody use to anyone,
She's only got one tit.

She ought to be publicly pissed on,
She ought to be publicly shot,
She ought to be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot.

So drink it down, down, down . . .

YANKEE DOODLE (two versions)
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Melody - I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy

Yankee Doodle he's a dandy,
Yankee Doodle do or die,
A real live asshole from the USA,
Piss on the Fourth of July.

Yank my doodle, it's a dandy,
Yankee Doodle zip your fly,
Yankee Doodle limped to London,
Wanking off his pony,
You are that Yankee Doodle guy.

Yankee doodle he's/she's a dandy,
He's/She's a hasher till he/she dies,
A real live asshole from the USA,
Pissed on my most other guys/girls.

Yank his/her doodle, it's a dandy,
Yank his/her doodle, zip his/her fly,
Yankee doodle ran the trail
Wanking off his/her doodle,
You are that yanking doodle guy/girl.

YOU ARE OUR ______
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Melody - You Are My Sunshine
Contributed by Slimie Limie, Kobe HHH, Japan

You are our _______, our only ______,
You make us happy when skies are bleak.
You'll never know ______, how much we like you,
Please keep coming to Hash ev'ry week.

Drink it down, down, down . . .

ZICKY-ZACKY
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The purpose of the zicky-zacky chant is to point out breaches in circle etiquette - members of the circle surround the offender and repeat chant loudly:

Zicky-zacky, zicky-zacky,
Hoy, Hoy, Hoy!
Zicky-zacky, zicky-zacky,
Hoy, Hoy, Hoy!
Zicky-zacky, zicky-zacky,
Hoy, Hoy, Hoy!

. . . and so on until offender completes a down-down . . . alternatively, the zicky-zacky chant can be performed whenever someone screws up a verse in a hash song (of course, the offending singer must immediately do a down-down while the pack chants). There are several substitutes for "zicky-zacky" if you get bored with the basic chant, as in:

Shiggy shaggy, shiggy shaggy,
Oi, Oi, Oi!

Motorcycle, motorcycle,
Vroom, Vroom, Vroom!

Locomotive, locomotive,
Choo, Choo, Choo!

Helicopter, helicopter,
Whirl, Whirl, Whirl! (or Whop, Whop, Whop!)

Submarine, submarine,
Glug, Glug, Glug!

Motorcar, motorcar,
Beep, Beep, Beep!

Telephone, telephone,
Ring, Ring, Ring!

Penis, penis,
Cum, Cum, Cum!

ZULU WARRIOR
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Melody - Itself
Hash version by ZiPpy, Pike's Peak H4

Ole, zooma zooma zooma,
Ole, zooma zooma chief,
Drink it down you Zulu warrior,
Drink it down you Zulu chief,
Drink it down you Zulu warrior,
Drink it down you Zulu chief, chief, chief!

Ole, zooma zooma zooma,
Ole, zooma zooma chief,
Drink it down you poofta warrior,
Drink it down you poofta chief,
Drink it down you poofta warrior,
Drink it down you poofta queef, queef, queef!